Bad Times Bring Great Times

Well, readers,

It looks like you are going to have to bare with me for updates... treatment went well, but let it be known it is ROUGH. I cannot really put it into words other than to say, I did not feel like me and I did not like it. I am a very busy person and I am not use to not feeling the least bit well. The first 2 days after treatment I felt like total crap. I did not want to talk to anyone, text anyone, muchless try to update this. So, bare with me.

I am happy to report that the past two days have been very good days. Both of my best friends were able to see me on good days, which was for sure a blessing.

Christmas, it was rough but I did my best to enjoy it. I received several cards and gifts from friends and family. My most favorite gift came from my sister. My first pair of cowgirl boots!! I have been on the hunt for some for a long time that I would be able to put on myself (zip up the side)... she found them. :)

My appetite has just started returning over the last couple days as well. I am thankful to have so much time before my next treatment because it gives me time to enjoy food.. and have some fun days with family and friends. These good days are very much needed and very much appreciated.

With that said, I am going to go enjoy reading or coloring for a while before going to sleep. Maybe my next post will be from my new 2 in 1 laptop/tablet I hope to purchase before returning to treatment on Jan. 5!

Love and Hugs

Busy Week

This past week was very busy. I had appointments everyday except yesterday, (Friday). Mom and I kept the roads hot, lol!

Monday - We did not have to go to a medical appointment, but a friend came to the house and cut my hair for me. I wanted it cut really close to my head in case my hair fell out during treatment. I buzzed it a little shorter today, I'm loving the buzz and not  having to fix hair! :)

I apologize for not using flash, but there you have it!

Tuesday - I met my radiologist. We didn't discuss much... just went over the basics of what radiation was and how it works. I was very happy to learn that it will not burn afterward! I love their office also. They have very comfy couches to sit on in the lobby and beautiful finches to watch. I really enjoyed visiting here. I am not sure how long I will have to do radiation or how often yet. I go back Monday for a simulation visit to see where the radiation will be used etc.

Wednesday - Weekly visit with Dr. Tran. Increased pain meds and discussed what type of chemo I would have and the side effects. I will not lose my hair, but it will thin; and I can except nausea and vomiting. Treatment starts at 8:45 Tuesday.

Thursday - This was a big day. I had my port placed for Chemo. It was weird waiting to go back for surgery... I have not had surgery since I was a teen (that is if you count having wisdom teeth removed).. before that I was 9 & 10. It is weird having anesthesia through IV and not a masks, but not complaining about that at all, it works faster and you do not wake up groggy. I learned this when I had my liver biopsy a couple weeks ago. I can't remember the date of that right now. We have not discussed the results of said biopsy with the doctor. Hopefully Tuesday! Grr... I had pictures to go with this day also.. I will have to download them and edit the post another day.. ugh!!

Friday - I was suppose to see Dr. Lorenzo in clinic, but she did my surgery so one less trip and a lazy day! I did take a nap today, :) I haven't been sleeping like I need to so yes; I am proud of myself for a nap!

Love and Hugs!

I Am Not Afraid

The picture really sums up this entire blog post.
God told us all not to be afraid one time for everyday of the year.
How awesome is that?
We all should live everyday, fearless. Yet, He knows we are human.
As humans it is natural for us to fear things, especially things that involve uncertainties.

Cancer can and often does involve many uncertainties. The majority of people are naturally afraid of it. They cannot bear the thought of it and do not like to even speak the word. I totally understand all of this. What I am about to say is not meant to be taken as me having a better than you attitude...

I am not afraid. I know, that is probably hard for you to believe... because who in their right mind would not be afraid of a cancer diagnosis, right?

It is true. I am not afraid. God has been preparing me for something big for a couple years now, a couple of times.. I thought I knew was it was, but I believe it was just more preparation for this journey. My hope and trust lies with Him.

As I told my pastor, I am ready to run this race and win!

Love and Hugs

Follow Your Arrow

Often times in our lives we do not pay attention to the path that lead us to a certain point. We are human and tend to just... well, live. There is a country song that says, "Follow your arrow wherever in points." No doubt, I am. :)

I have paid attention to the path my life has been on this year, and it has lead me exactly to where I am today. Every event that has taken place in my life this year has lead me here and I could not be more grateful. I have felt God this year. His presence has been strong. I will even go as far as to say I have seen him in people that I have encountered and formed relationships with. I have no doubt of that.

Earlier this year, I wrote my testimony about how I had made changes in my life, let God have control.. and couldn't wait to see where it lead me. You can find it here. Is it true that it has lead me into unexpected territory, yes because I did not expect news like I have received so young. However, as I stated on Facebook; I have always been somewhat mentally prepared for an event such as this to take place in my life. Why? I do not really know.

I do not like that I am having to go through any of this: the pain, treatments, sickness, weakness.. it isn't fun, and my journey is just getting started; but I know He is going to see me through and He is going to be glorified through out all of this. He is with me every step because He already knew we were going to be on this journey. Can someone say Amen?

Friends, I am confident that everything is going to be okay. I have trust and peace with my team of doctors that only comes from God. I should not be so "okay" with having cancer. I should be saying this isn't happening to me, why me right at the holidays? I don't deserve this. I should be angry. I should be hurting. Once again, I am not. Why? Because, He came before me on this journey and He is with me now.

I have cancer. So what. I have a life to keep living.

Love and Hugs

P.S. Will post a medical update tomorrow.

Grouchy

I have learned several things over the last few weeks since being newly diagnosed with cancer, but the number one thing besides the obvious which is pain sucks; is that I can be a GROUCH.

Yes, all of you who think I am just so sweet all the time... Lol.. no I can be a grouch and a sassafrass. No, it did not bother me to admit that, because it is true.

I like structure and for the last few weeks things seem to just be a bit chaotic still, at least to me. Where I once would love the hustle and bustle of people in and out all the time, tv blaring, etc... Now, I want a quiet and calm environment. Don't get me wrong, I still want people to visit; I can just do without the unnecessary background noise.

I do have myself on a schedule of sorts. I take morning meds at 6, then noon, then 6p, and 11:30-12. I sleep til about 11a after taking morning meds; wake up and then take noon meds. Depending on  the day I am having I may or may not need a nap.

Usually a nap does come into my day at some point and I have figured out the best place for me to nap is in my room. I can make it calm and quiet and not have to worry about someone knocking or the dogs pestering me.

In this short time I have also learned that you will be poked and prodded more than you want to or can even bother to keep up with. Also, they like to make you go NPO (no food by mouth) for procedures.

No food paired with pain makes for what.... a grouch. Tomorrow shall be fun. Liver biopsy at 7a.m. No food after 12a and no meds in the morning. JOY!! :\

So if you ever call, or text and I am short and snappy or give short replies I may just be in a grouchy mood.

New Doctors/An Easy Weekend

Friday's appointments went well. The PET scan took about 90 minutes. The longest part is sitting and waiting for the dye to be digested through your body. (I will be sure to take a book next time!) The results of the scan will be in Monday, but I will not know what they are until I see Dr. Tran Wednesday afternoon. The results of the PET scan is the only part of this whole journey that I am even semi anxious about, only because it shows where the cancer is in my body. My prayer is that it has not spread and is contained within my rectum only.

I met with my surgeon Friday afternoon as well. She is very pleasant to be around and has a great bedside manner and concern for her patients. I feel the same way about her colleague I spoke with as well. They are just as baffled as any other doctor I have seen within the last few weeks. Once the PET results are in and gone over - everything will make more sense for everyone involved. Also, the genetics testing will help the surgeons decide their course of action as well. I will update on that as soon as that information is available. I will see them again in 2 weeks.

My liver biopsy will be done Tuesday morning at 7 or 7:30 a.m. Though I am not looking forward to the procedure I am glad it will be done and over with. One less thing to worry about.

My weekend has been great. Friday evening I was able to spend time with my sweet friend/sister LaBrisha and her daughters Haylee and Kylee. It had been a little over 2 years since I had seen them. The visit definitely made me feel good and lifted my spirits. Kylee and Kaylee were able to play too. It was a great evening, and I hope they are able to visit again soon.

Saturday evening we had a visit from our friend Sheila. She and her husband came by to pick up a swing and visited for a little over an hour I'd say. We all had a lot of laughs. I really enjoyed seeing them and meeting her husband. Hopefully, when I am well; we can go visit them and see their animals.

I had intentions of going to church this morning, but was not able to because of my pain. I know they all understand, but I miss my church family. They are all wonderful people.

It's been a relaxing, easy weekend.

Love and Hugs

More Tests and Consultations

The meeting with my oncologist went well yesterday.  He was very nice and also very thorough. He would like to for my family and I to do genetic testing because of the strong history of cancer on my Mom's side of the family. Hopefully, my insurance will pay for that. He changed my meds and said to keep an eye on fevers/

Today has been a fairly good day. Pain has been tolerated well.

I even have a bit of a praise report. I had started hurting again before I decided to shower, so I asked God to let the pain subside long enough for me to be able to shower. He did just that my friends. We have an awesome God.

That's about all the news I have for now. Sleep *should* be coming soon, 5 a.m. comes early. I will have my PET scan at 7 a.m. and then go have a consultation with my surgeon in the afternoon.

Love and Hugs

Tomorrow: The Beginning of An Unexpected Chapter

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, the day after today, that is what tomorrow is, right?

Yes, but it is not just tomorrow for me, my family, my best friends. It is the beginning of a new chapter in all of our lives. This chapter is going to be full of many many ups and downs. Let's just be blunt. It IS going to be a chaotic roller coaster in every way possible. There is no way around that, but we will make it like we always do! Nothing is going to stop us. Ok, so what I am rambling about?

Here you go. I was admitted into the hospital on November 18 due to severe nausea, and other things related to that. I was given a couple bags of fluid and medicines to help with nausea etc. while in the ER. Also, while there they did a CT Scan of my abdomen and ran tests on a stool sample. The sample came back positive for C. Diff, which is an infection of the intestines. (Bad bacteria takes over in your GI tract). The CT Scan did not show any obstructions in the bowel. However, the doctor told us they did find a mass and a spot on my liver. I think we all just kinda sat there at that point. I don't know how my parents felt mentally or emotionally then. I began to prepare myself for the news that would follow a couple days later, I just had a gut feeling and knew.

I get to my room Wednesday morning around 9:00 a.m. or so. I am starving by this time because I have not had anything to eat or drink for quite sometime. Of course, I am on a clear liquid diet. [CLD]. That evening I have to drink the lovely drink that preps you for a colonoscopy. *I have a trick for drinking this, flavor it with water flavoring drops, except for red.* Thursday morning I have an ultrasound done of my liver, and then that evening around 5:00 I have the colonoscopy done. The results come back, and the mass that was found on the CT Scan is in my colon/rectum. We have to wait a while for pathology reports to come back but the surgeon was positive the mass was malignant (cancerous) To make an already long story short: most of the pain that I have been having for the last several months that was thought to be many other things, turned out to be colon cancer.

Yes, I said/thought/typed the word that no one likes to hear. Does it bother me? Not at all. Remember, I had a gut feeling after the results of the CT Scan came back showing a mass. So, I've had time to process the fact that I have cancer. Now, we treat it. Tomorrow is the first step. My first appointment with my oncologist, and Friday I will see my colorectal surgeon. Am I afraid of this new chapter that is being written in my life? No. I have always had a hunch that I would experience something like this in my lifetime. I know, it is odd to think that way, but I do so that if something does take place it is not such a shock for me. I am glad I am able to do that.

So, now we put on our armor and we fight this battle headstrong! 

For anyonne who may read this I would like to ask, if you have scripture or a quote that encourages you, please share it with me here or on Facebook. You may also email them to me at: prettigirlsmiles@gmail.com I am writing each of them down in a journal that I will take with me to treatment so I will always be encouraged by friends and family while they cannot be with me.

We can all rest in knowing that God allowed this to happen for a reason and He will be GLORIFIED in the end!!

I am not asking for much from anyone. Just be encouraging, not just to me, but each other as well.

Hugs & Love

God Has a Better Plan

Where do you see yourself in five to ten years?

Do you remember being asked that question all through out school? I do. I cannot tell you what my answers where, but I can tell you that whatever was written on those papers is not how my life panned out.

If my life had happened as I wanted it to; I would be married, have children, a job, and a house at this time in my life. Most people my age that I know have those things. Sometimes, it is as if their life unfolds before you as a fairy tale. That is when I remind myself that I do not see what goes on in their lives behind closed doors. I only see what is on Facebook or what they talk to me about.

The last 6 to 8 months have been very trying for me. I have been back and forth to doctors a lot trying to figure out how best to maintain my mobility and gain a little more independence. There have been many a curve ball thrown in my direction while trying to figure all this out, which makes me frustrated. I wish parts of it could just be simple; like getting a new wheelchair, that should not be so hard to do but it is something that I do not have direct control over. I just have to wait.

I am learning quickly that God takes what we think is just horrible in our lives to use it for His good. I spend more time in my Bible than I ever have. I am developing relationships with Christian people, and becoming active within my church.

Something good will also come from the pain I am dealing with. Someone somewhere will be touched by my determination. Someone will have hope again because they heard that I did not give up. Let me just say, that it has not been easy to keep smiling through this pain I have been dealing with. I have certainly had to lean on friends and family to make it through this rough spot.

In the mean time, I am gently reminded, God has a better plan, and His plan will not fail me!

The same for you, if you are struggling and do not know which way to go it is the perfect time to just open up to Him and let it out! :)

"For I know the plans I have for you", says The Lord. 

Home...

Home (noun): the place where one lives.

I was thinking about this simple word today quite heavily as I was getting ready to go to physical therapy. I thought to myself, home has many definitions and that definition is different for everyone. Come to think of it my definition of home has changed in the last 7 months.

It is not that little box with a triangle for a roof and the door and windows we draw on paper as kids. It is not even my physical address or the brick and mortar that keeps me safe at night. Are you thinking I am crazy yet?

Home for me at this point in my life is my community and my church. Home truly is the small town U.S.A. I grew up in. I always said after I left that I would not live here again. A lot can change in 12 years. Moving back in with my parents has been one of the best decisions of my adult life and I am not afraid to admit it. I have been a lot happier and found that contrary to my thinking I have more of a social life here within the community than I did when I lived in my own home, and the two are very different.

I have found a church that feels like home as well and that is something that is very important to me. I attend a discipleship class, Bible study and help with other activities when needed. I am growing spiritually and learning so much about His Word, reconnecting with people I've known all my life, as well as making new friends.

I recently started attending Zumba classes at our community center and will be attending a Bible study there as well beginning next week.

Next on my list is to attend a show at our little Opry we have and find my picture on the wall. :)

When I left this place I had no intentions of living here again, ever. I guess God's plan was different and obviously better than mine. He knew where I needed to be.

I am glad Birchwood is home.

What does it mean to you?

Zumba & Birchwood Community Center

This past Monday was my first ever Zumba class with the beautiful Mrs. Sharon Wright as instructor. She and her hubby Jason are working really hard to be able to keep the old elementary school building in our community up and running as a community center. Zumba is one of the ways they're able to do this.

I have wanted to try Zumba for a while and just haven't. I thought, I'm going to look like a dork out there only moving my arms; or it isn't going to do anything for me because I can only move my arms. Not the case. Not the case at all. I absolutely loved Zumba. I kept my focus on Shannon as best I could to follow moves. I quickly realized I did not look like a dork, that we were all there to have a good time and enjoy ourselves which is just what we did!

I am thankful for this opportunity to keep working my upper body in a fun and upbeat environment. PT will end next week, sadly, but with Zumba and keeping motivated to workout at home. I won't lose what I have gained in upperbody strength. I will only gain more! :)

I can't wait for next Monday! Happy Zumbaing to you!!

I Don't Want To....

Everyone has those days where they just don't want to. I have been having some recently and I am definitely not a fan. I like to keep busy doing something all the time.

However, recently sometimes all I want to do is sleep because then I don't hurt, and I don't have to worry about other things. Before you jump to conclusions while reading this, No. I am not depressed. I have just been dealing with a lot of medical things lately and it has become a bit exhausting. I have a new pain that could be or could not be related to therapy, all I know is it is annoying. Sometimes I can deal with it others, I just want to sleep.

Speaking of therapy, sometimes I do not want to go there either even as much as I enjoy it. Sometimes I just don't. Period. I go anyway because I have to and that's what it feels like -cause I have to-. I always get this way toward the end of my sessions because I know the road we are heading down. We have just made significant progress, but according to insurance it is not enough to warrant more visits to PT.

I also do not like going when it turns colder. Cold weather is h*ll on a person with spastic CP. Excuse the colorful language but that is just the truth, ok? It is a lot harder to move because muscles are tighter and bones ache as though we have arthritis. I would much rather spend the winter in hoodies and fuzzy PJ bottoms under my flannel sheets than to get out and do much of anything in the winter.

There is this thing called life, and we must live it. Despite the challenges we must persevere, even on our "Don't Want To" days...

Ink.

Yes, that is a tattoo you see. My very first one. I am now inked. I have wanted some ink for a very long time, but would not get up the courage to get one because I did not know what I wanted, and I was afraid it was going to hurt really bad.

Well, as it turns out it did not hurt as bad as what I thought it was going to. I thought they dug the needle into your skin, LOL. You can tell I am new to the tattoo world huh?

I chose this as my tattoo because I wanted I constant reminder of the journey I have been on and where my hope is. My hope is anchored in the love that Christ has for me. My hope is getting to know Him more and more everyday.

I had it put on my wrist so I could see it. So others could see it. You never know, that little tattoo may lead to a conversation and ultimately leads someone to Christ.

Rock The Smokies

This year I was able to attend the first annual Rock the Smokies event at Dollywood on September 5. This event features four Christian bands. Some of them play throughout the park at different times, and the well known are set up in the Celebrity Theatre. This was my first time attending a Christian concert series of any kind. Let me tell you, I had an amazing time!

The first band we saw was Love and The Outcome. This group is a husband and wife duo from Canada. They just recently moved to the area. They really have love for the Lord and I am excited to see what He has in store for them!!

The next show was The Sidewalk Prophets. We were able to get front row seats to the show, which was awesome in my book! :)  I only knew one of the songs they sang, but they put on an amazing show. Their music is wonderful. I grew to absolutely love them during this concert. They sing some very uplifting songs! I would sure like to see them again.

The last show was of course, what we had all been waiting for. For King & Country, and Third Day! It was so amazing getting to worship with them. Everyone's mind was on the same thing, God and glorifying Him! FC&C really puts on a killer show. They engaged with the crowd. They had us sing Amazing Grace, and I forgot to record it... :( Then, they came out into the crowd. The guitar player shook my hand and the lead singer, jumped up on the chair in front of me and sang, then hugged me when he got down; before going back up to the stage. I really like this band, not just because they hugged me... they really have an awesome story to tell about their relationship with Christ. 

Third Day, what can I say? They were awesome!!! It was hard for me to see the show well because I couldn't see over the people in front of me, but I made the best of it and it was still great! I would love to see them again as well. 

Needless to say, I have a new love for Christian Rock! <3

It's Not Always Sunshine & Rainbows

I know, my posts here are always uplifting and and positive. It mostly likely portrays my life as:

Sunshine & Rainbows

Let me assure you, it is not always that way. At this very moment, I am feeling much more like this:

Confused

Now, I do not feel this way in every aspect of my life. My life as a whole is great. However, there is part of it that I wish were a little bit easier and less confusing. I deal with a lot of minuet pains due to having a lot of spasticity and increased muscle tone in my lower extremities. Some occur only at night and others whenever they want to. I have dealt with them for years. I have finally succeeded in getting one of the major ones under control with the help of my doctor - because she took the time to listen to me and understand what I was saying. 

However, it is not always that simple. Sometimes, I don't even know what to do or who would be best to talk to. I know what is available for me to try, and I have tried some things. They work for only a little while it seems. 

I remember the days when it seemed easy. It was easy for me because I was not the one making the important decisions. My mother was and she did a great job. We had comfort in the team of doctors I had as a child at Shriners Hospitals for Children. Where would we have been without them? I don't know. Do I wish I could go back to them now? YES! I trusted them and felt they never steered us wrong.

Now, here I am a woman. Those decisions can no longer be made by anyone else but me. This is where I become confused. I don't know what is best for me. Finding the right doctor for such a conversation seems like a joke at times, but maybe I have found them. Maybe they will listen and help me to make the best informed decision I can with the options I know are out there.

Sometimes, I want that special someone there to cheer me on when I have tough days. [Not that my friends and family don't], I just want that part of love from my spouse. I deserve and pray I find it one day soon.

So, there you have it. A little more of me in a not so cheerful light, but rest assured; I will overcome. I always do.

Sometimes You Have to Laugh

I had to laugh today. I went in the kitchen today to get a drink and check the Keurig. [It is usually full of water just in case I want oatmeal for breakfast.] Well, it was not full so no oatmeal today, but that is perfectly fine. None of this I am writing about was intentional.  Yes, I know I could have made it in the microwave but the Keurig is much more convenient. So, I go to the refrigerator for a drink and this is what I see. A shrine of Coke, Dr. Pepper, and Yoo-Hoo's that are out of my reach. All I can do is look at them. (Mom sets a glass of tea, and/or a Coke in the door for me).

While this was a bit frustrating for a moment because I could not reach what I wanted; when Mom got home we laughed about it. I was not mad at her. Sometimes, when the little things frustrate you, its best to laugh them off and move along. It is not worth getting mad over. I have many of these moments in my life because I use a wheelchair. I am so glad that I have learned to laugh them off and not get mad.

I would be mad all the time if I let all the little things like this bother me constantly, and that is no way to live life. I see posts about people who feel trapped because they cannot get out and about much...etc. I am so thankful and grateful that even when I get down and out I find a reason to smile through it. I pull myself out of the slump.

Thanks Mom, for the laughs! :)

What little things like this have made you giggle?

Humbled.

Humbled.

Yes. I am. I have been following a fellow blogger for nearly three years now. She and I quickly became cyber-friends after she introduced me to Cerebral Palsy Family Network and asked me if I would be interested in writing for them about living with Cerebral Palsy. Her name is Lisa Viele. 

During the past three years I have learned a lot more about Cerebral Palsy and how everyone's challenges are different; not just the individuals but also their families. I use to always think this kind of life was a "piece of cake" despite the challenges my family and I have endured, but it is not always that way. It is not always as easy as I have been fortunate to have it.

Lisa's daughters' story is a perfect example of this for me. Lizzy is 15 years old. Lizzy cannot speak and is also legally blind. She has seizures. Her mother cares for her 24/7. Remember, I just said that I thought this was easy. When I began to read Lisa's blog and chat with her via Facebook I started to realize that was not the case for everyone. I quickly learned that sometimes it is extremely frustrating trying to figure out what is wrong with your child or to understand what the doctors may be telling you in regards to what is best for your child and their well being. 

I have always bragged on my Mom and what an awesome job she has done over the years regarding my medical decisions growing up. She did the best she could with the information given - just like Lisa has for Lizzy. Today. Today it hit me. It was somewhat easy for my mom and myself because I could tell her when and where I was hurting and what degree of pain I was in. It was not a guessing game for her. She didn't have to hope that medicine worked because I could tell her if it did or not. I am 100% aware of what is going on in the world around me, meaning, the world we all live in and the world of living with physical challenges. I have always known what the doctors were talking about when it came time for surgery and how intense therapy would be. I still know what I need to do to keep myself healthy and am able to fully take care of myself on my own. I will say, this was not a certain milestone for me as my mom was not sure I would be able to do so with certainty until I was in my late teenage and early adult years.

So, today I am thankful and I am humbled to be where I am in my life today. I am so blessed and blessed to have such a sweet connection with Lisa even if only through cyberspace [for now]. I cannot thank her enough for sharing CPFN with me three years ago, and for the friendship that continues to grow. I am thankful to know that it is not always a piece of cake. I am thankful to know it's okay to write about the not so good times. [I always hide those].

Thank you Lisa and Lizzy for humbling me. I love you! May we always find strength in our faith and each other!

You can read more about Lizzy's journey here at: Diving For Healing

Proverbs 20:22,24

I decided to take the blog in a new direction today, to do something different. I have been reading the book of Proverbs [NLT Version]. This morning in my reading these two verses really stuck out to me and I immediately had to share them on social media.

I feel like both verses are something most everyone can relate to at just about any given time.

We have all been wronged by someone and sought to get even with them. I know I have been here. It's a definite struggle. We tend to want to handle things our way, and we learn most of the time that our way is not always best. If we pray and talk to God about something someone has done to us, we need to learn to leave the problem there. He will take care of it for us. Therefore, we needn't worry about it anymore. [Yes, I know, that is easier said than done].

Many times in my reading through Proverbs I have read about God directing our steps or has a better plan for us. I am working on this very thing in my life right now. Trusting where He is leading me and not trying to question or figure it all out. Sometimes, things in our life are not meant to be understood. We just need to sit back and let Him steer for we will not go astray!

Pray For Chattanooga

Today, my city made national news. There was a shooting at a military recruiting office. Five people were injured. Four military personnel are deceased, one police officer is in stable condition at the hospital.

This is one of those times where "It will never happen here." is ringing loud in my head. I always brush off these stories and think exactly that. Today I cannot do that. Today, my city was shaken. Today my city experienced what has happened in other places. Today, my city will come together as one - we will pray.

I will continue to pray in the days yet to come. I wish that we could get answers to all the questions we all have. Unfortunately, that cannot happen. Some questions will remain unanswered. While this is a sad and tragic event, we must be positive and move forward stronger than we were today before this took place.

I posted a Facebook status this morning that began like this:

My God's Not Dead

He is surely ALIVE.

I did not know that this was going to take place today. However, I feel it could not have been posted at no better time. He is not dead. He is alive right now, in this event. I am thankful I can rest in this peace.

#PrayForChattanooga

God Knows What Time It Is: Reaching Others Through Social Media

That's right friends! God knows what time it is. He knows that we live in in time of Facebook,Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest. He knows that we live in a fast-paced world where having a front porch chat with your neighbor is seemingly unheard of.

My last post here was my personal testimony about letting God take control of my life. He has!!

Friends, I gave up the party life to live for Him and I am rewarded daily. I have asked Him to use me. Let me be a light to others. He is!

How you say?

Right now, I am seeing it through my social media outlets. Likes, shares, comments, etc. It is a blessing to me to know that I am reaching YOU through these outlets, even this blog.

He gave me the gift of writing. I have blessed many with this talent over the last 3 years and I am thankful for that and will continue to do so with whatever comes to mind.  My blog posts may not get many comments, likes, or shares.. but that is okay because they reach someone.

If you are struggling today thinking He cannot use you or you feel like you are not doing enough for Him, ask Him to use you and let Him have control and do what He wants to do; not what YOU want to do.

God can use anyone and anything to reach His people. :)

I Let Go, I Let God - My Personal Testimony

We have all heard the phrase "Let Go and Let God." at some point in our lives. I know I have many a time in my life.

Today, I am going to take you on a brief journey of how I have come to know the meaning of this phrase in my own life.

I have always known who God was/is. My grandparents taught me about spirituality and I attended church with them growing up. I began to pray before I was ever saved. At 7 years of age I can remember lying in bed at night with a prayer cloth which had been given to me by a pastor; praying that by Jesus stripes I would be healed. At 9 years of age, I prayed what to me would be my first real, heartfelt prayer. I prayed that God would take care of me and guide my doctors during surgery before going back to the OR (03-10-1993). When I got back to the OR my doctor told me everything would be fine. I knew then that He had heard my prayer. It has been 22 years since I have been back in the OR for any kind of surgery pertaining to my having Cerebral Palsy. Thank you Jesus!

Two years later, the summer of 1995; I asked Jesus into my heart during VBS and was also baptized.

Fast forward to my early twenties. At this time, I had moved away from home and was a college student. Church was not a big part of my life, but this was the time when I began keeping a prayer journal as a means of how I pray. After coming back home, I didn't go to church much at all and was very busy living an ungodly life to be honest.

Now here I am in my early 30's. The last two years of my life have been full of many ups and downs, highs and lows and plenty of soul searching. While I relied on God to get me through this difficult time in my life, I was still looking for love in all the wrong places if you will. In mid April of this year, I decided I was done with that life. I knew that the kind of person I really want to spend the rest of my life with was not going to be found in the places I was hanging out. My sister bought me a Bible I had been looking at for a while and I've read almost every day since. I have started going back to church on a regular basis as well. I have learned so much from my own personal reading as well as church sermons in the last two months. I cannot get enough! It is amazing when you can truly understand what you are reading and what you are hearing. I have also started worshiping through music and sometimes all I can do is cry while I am listening or even writing. Feeling the Spirit and knowing that He is near is the most awesome feeling I have ever felt.

It may have taken me 20 years to get here, but I have no doubt that I am where I need to be. Where I am SUPPOSED to be. I had so much peace with this decision, peace like I've never felt before.

I am so glad to have this outlet, because maybe; just maybe someone will come to know their Savior through reading my testimony.

Hairdo Take 2

My hair didn't quite turn out the way I planned for it to when I got it cut last month. So, a couple weeks ago I had it cut again, and even let mom highlight it! I absolutely love it. Easy to fix. I can spike it or I can leave it flat!

What's your new hairdo for Summer 2015?

Summer Doo

Say "Hello!" to the new me...

That's my new doo for the summer ya'll! It is a whole lot cooler and much easier to maintain. I have had my hair short several times over the years. It seems to be something I always return to. I like my hair short for several reasons.

• It shows my face.
• Use less shampoo.
• Wash n' Go.
• Easy to fix.

The only con to having short hair is that mine grows very fast, so there's regular trips to the salon if I want to keep it short. I plan to do that for a while and am even going to go a little shorter on the top so that my salon trips do not have to be so frequent. 

I know my hair is very pretty when it is long, but for me it is a lot to keep up with and maintain. It's hard to brush and usually ends up in a messy bun of sorts on top of my head which gets boring to me after a while!

When Your Words Mean So Much - JoJo

Yes, that's JoJo again. This morning when I woke up, I checked Facebook like I always do...

I saw I had been tagged by Jo Jo in a status, which is not something that happens often. When it does, I know it's special. Today, he shared the blog post I had written about our friendship. You can read that here if you haven't read it. Above the post, he thanked me once again for writing, but after that he said something that I have kept with me all day. He said, "These words could not have come at any better time. You are my rock." I have been going through some difficult times of my own, which are written in the previous post. It seems like he and I always know when we need a pick me up. I'm so blessed to have him in my life and call him a friend.

When I wrote that blog, I thought... oh he will read it and say how much it means to him and he'll share it on his page to show support - which he did. However, I didn't expect it to have such a profound impact a year later. I do not know what he has been going through, I do not need to. What I do know is that my words have carried him through something he has been going through and I cannot express how much that means to me. I often feel like I write just because it is what I love to do and I do it well. Today, I learned that I do not just write because it is something I love to do. I write because whether I know it or not.. someone reads it and gets something out of it. Maybe, like JoJo my words carry them through a trying time, or what I read just lets them know they're not alone.

I can't express how I feel knowing my words mean so much. Knowing they are not just words threw out into cyberspace makes me want to keep writing even more. I have always enjoyed it and it is the best way I can express myself. I am so thankful to everyone who encourages me to keep writing. Aside from my family and friends here at home, JoJo is one of my biggest supporters and he always has been. He believes in my writing like I believe in his music and we'll never stop. I've got you buddy. Circles.Never.End.

Thank you, JoJo!

The Other Side of Me

Most of the time, what you see is what you get, a very happy and positive woman who doesn't let Cerebral Palsy get in her way of living. I do just about everything anyone else does from taking care of myself to keeping a house in order.

However,  there is a side of me that most do not see. A part of me that longs for understanding and consideration. A part of me, that is even difficult for me to accept.

If you know me on a personal level then you know I am a very social person. I love being the life of the party, the social butterfly who mingles well in a crowd. I greatly enjoy going to live music performances. Music is therapy. It is my escape from everyday life. I also enjoy having dinner or just chatting over a cup of coffee or glass of tea.

For me, this part of my life has been lacking for a while. I handle it fine, for the most part. But,  there are times when it gets to me, when I reach my breaking point and cannot take anymore. This is the part of me that no one sees. This is the part of me that screams from the inside and wants to be heard. I go through feelings of being forgotten by my peers and thinking that if I could just drive myself around it wouldn't be that way. I would be included and thought of more. I wouldn't feel like my attempts to make plans were void.

I am not saying any of this for pity.  I'm saying it to speak out. To be heard. I realize that times have changed and most people I know are busy with their lives. I know you have jobs, kids, husbands, and wives. All of that comes first as it should. Sometimes though, I want to be invited out to do things by my peers without having to be the first to make contact and suggest such.

This is not something that I just started dealing with. I have dealt with this issue since my teen years. Most of my time then was spent on AOL, that's where most of my social activity took place. Other than that I was with my cousin and her friends or my sister and her friends.  Their friends became mine. The friends I had at school were just that, friends at school. Today, while I know many people I do not get to see them as often as I would like for reasons mentioned above. I spend a lot of time on Facebook or watching TV. I am also a gamer which gives me another way to connect to to people. While this helps me pass the time that I spend alone,  this is not how I want to spend the rest of my life.

I have not dated for two years and this is certainly not a plea for a date, but we all know that Mr. or Mrs. Right does not just magically appear at your doorstep one day. You've got to have some kind of active social life to really meet people.

So, what I am saying is I would like help in building my social life again. Do you want to go out for a cup of coffee and not have to go alone? Call me. I will gladly join you. I also need you to understand that there are reasons why I do not drive and those should be respected, not questioned. As for my wheelchair, I cannot help how heavy it is. I am able to get in and out of a car on my own but anything other than that (SUV, truck, van) I have to be lifted in and out of it.

If you have read this far thank you. It is not often that I share these kind of feelings publicly, but I have reached a point where I am ok with it because I realize people do not understand what they do not know. I wanted you to realize that my life is not always what you see. I have bad days too and often they are mentally and emotionally exhausting, but I make the best of them just like any other day.

Meet Butters and Batman

Meet Butters the 7 week old Lop. I named him Butters because he is very fast when you put him down on the ground and just slides through your fingers like butter. :)

Butters is not my first rabbit. I had one when I was a kid.. but did not handle it often so it was never very tame. However, when I first saw Butters I knew I wanted him even though I still was a bit unsure because of also having dogs. I had his name picked out upon first seeing him. 

He gets plenty of play time with me and also his bunny brother Batman which is my sisters/nieces rabbit. The dogs go outside while the bunnies are out, but not to worry they still get plenty of love too! 

I am very glad I have Butters. He instantly cheers me up if I am having a bad day. Tucker does as well. I am thankful for my furbabies. Growing up I was not much of an animal person. Now I do not think I could live without one. Stay tuned for more adventures with Butters and Batman!

I'll leave you with this picture of Batman. :)

Gene Watson at the Tivoli

This is going to be a post of few words. The pictures above say it all! I had a wonderful time and am blessed to have met such an amazing talent. For those who are not familiar with country music Gene Watson is a legendary country singer. He puts on a fantastic show - one I would see again for sure. What a great way to begin 2015!