June 20, 2016

Sorry... Not Sorry..


We say it when people we love don't feel well, have lost loved ones, are going through tough times. We say it when we don't know what to say to someone because we do not understand their situation.
We say it with the kindest intentions of sympathy and love. We really mean well.


Sometimes, [and this is my own personal opinion] I think we need to work on saying positive words of encouragement in some circumstances.

I have heard "I'm sorry" all my life because of not being able to walk and having to use a wheelchair.. now cancer. Let me say again, I understand when you're not use to being around someone who has a disability or serious illness it is an automatic response meant sympathetically. I really do get it. I do the same.

However, sometimes, the word/words strike a cord with me that is uncomfortable.


Because I have never been sorry for anything I have endured in my life. Yes, I was born early and have Cerebral Palsy which results in me having to use a wheelchair. Am I sorry because of this? Not at all. I have nothing to be sorry for. It is just the way I was made and there is a purpose for it. Yes, I was diagnosed with cancer 8 months ago. Does it suck? Yes. Am I sorry? Not at all, because again there is a reason for it; and as I have said before it has brought me JOY. I cannot be sorry about something that has brought joy to my life - no matter what I have to endure.

No, chemo is not always fun. There are side effects that I do not like dealing with. Ya know what? Tough cookies. I have to. I am thankful for it because it is keeping my cancer stable and allowing me to still live my life to the fullest and I thank the Lord for that. I am not sorry that I have to endure these things.

I am thankful for the surgeries I have been through that have helped me be able to grow as a child without major physical complications.

I am thankful for my wheelchair because it allows me to be independent and mobile.

I am just thankful, for everything.

Instead of saying "I'm sorry," what else might you say to show sympathy or encourage someone?

June 13, 2016

Same Life, New Story: Abagail


I know I need to overcome my fear of living with cancer by taking these first steps forward in my life...

1). Accepting this as my new normal way of life. Learning to see cancer as a chronic illness, (think of something like diabetes). A person with diabetes has to take insulin to maintain his or her life. My chemo treatments will be very similar. They will help manage mine.

2). Trusting God will continue to see me through. Also, He will continue to bless me and help me bless others with my story. I also cannot forget to thank Him; because He has made this time in my life full of joy. Even on my worst days, I find something to be happy about. I realize I have been blessed greatly because treatment has not made me sick. I am still very healthy. Essentially, I have a disease you cannot see. (Think of someone with chronic pain/fibromyalgia). How do I feel about it? At first, I will not sure, but with each passing day it gets a little easier. I know the best thing to do isa to keep living positively.

3). Be open about thoughts and feelings. It is very important to share things instead of keeping them bottled up inside. Being open gives others the chance to help you and also may help relieve stress and tension in your own body.

June 9, 2016

Reality Is...

Reality is...

Life does not go as you plan  or sometimes even think it will. I know that my own personal reality has changed over the last few weeks, and I am still coming to terms with/learning to accept it. 

I went over it briefly in my last post - and it seems that I was or even, am okay with it.. I am, but yet I am not. Things can change, and they can change quickly. Mentally, I have spent the last few weeks wondering how long this current chemo regimen will work for me.. no one can answer that. No one knows, but God. It is a challenge to live with so much uncertainty medically. Have I considered a second opinion? Sure. Will I get one? Maybe. 

Let me give you an example of a bad day, and how quickly things can change...

I awoke yesterday morning and took my AM medicines as I always do - which has included a Zofran for the last few days due to some slight nausea. Unfortunately, the Zofran did not have time to work and I threw up everything I had just taken within 15-20 minutes. Right then, my plans for the entire day changed. Instead of writing and going to Bible Study as I had planned to do; I spent the day resting. (Which happened to be an answered prayer for my dear friend Sara at: The Messy Mrs). I'm thankful for that... even though it was not a pretty day inside my mind, I knew to be still and rest.

Uncertainty is hard to live with ya'll, and it is something that I face everyday as a human in the flesh. Do I wish I could have had surgery and possibly been able to close this chapter in my life? Of course. That was my plan, it was my doctors, but it was not God's. You may think, "It should be easy for you to accept God's plan if you believe.." I get that, but the truth is it is not always easy to accept His plan even though we know He has our best interest at heart all the time. I am human, and that part of me wishes that things were different right now.

But they aren't. They are what God intended them to be, not me. Maybe that is why I have tolerated treatment and responded so well, because He knew what lay ahead before I even got here. Maybe that is why it has brought me such joy and afforded me the opportunity of a job, because He wanted me to have true happiness in Him and more meaning to my life than He has already given me. For all this, I am very thankful.

Reality is...
Medicine, God is in control, and He is NOT DONE yet!