Sorry... Not Sorry..

Sorry.

We say it when people we love don't feel well, have lost loved ones, are going through tough times. We say it when we don't know what to say to someone because we do not understand their situation.
We say it with the kindest intentions of sympathy and love. We really mean well.

But...

Sometimes, [and this is my own personal opinion] I think we need to work on saying positive words of encouragement in some circumstances.

I have heard "I'm sorry" all my life because of not being able to walk and having to use a wheelchair.. now cancer. Let me say again, I understand when you're not use to being around someone who has a disability or serious illness it is an automatic response meant sympathetically. I really do get it. I do the same.

However, sometimes, the word/words strike a cord with me that is uncomfortable.

Why?

Because I have never been sorry for anything I have endured in my life. Yes, I was born early and have Cerebral Palsy which results in me having to use a wheelchair. Am I sorry because of this? Not at all. I have nothing to be sorry for. It is just the way I was made and there is a purpose for it. Yes, I was diagnosed with cancer 8 months ago. Does it suck? Yes. Am I sorry? Not at all, because again there is a reason for it; and as I have said before it has brought me JOY. I cannot be sorry about something that has brought joy to my life - no matter what I have to endure.

No, chemo is not always fun. There are side effects that I do not like dealing with. Ya know what? Tough cookies. I have to. I am thankful for it because it is keeping my cancer stable and allowing me to still live my life to the fullest and I thank the Lord for that. I am not sorry that I have to endure these things.

I am thankful for the surgeries I have been through that have helped me be able to grow as a child without major physical complications.

I am thankful for my wheelchair because it allows me to be independent and mobile.

I am just thankful, for everything.

Instead of saying "I'm sorry," what else might you say to show sympathy or encourage someone?

Tomorrow: The Beginning of An Unexpected Chapter

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, the day after today, that is what tomorrow is, right?

Yes, but it is not just tomorrow for me, my family, my best friends. It is the beginning of a new chapter in all of our lives. This chapter is going to be full of many many ups and downs. Let's just be blunt. It IS going to be a chaotic roller coaster in every way possible. There is no way around that, but we will make it like we always do! Nothing is going to stop us. Ok, so what I am rambling about?

Here you go. I was admitted into the hospital on November 18 due to severe nausea, and other things related to that. I was given a couple bags of fluid and medicines to help with nausea etc. while in the ER. Also, while there they did a CT Scan of my abdomen and ran tests on a stool sample. The sample came back positive for C. Diff, which is an infection of the intestines. (Bad bacteria takes over in your GI tract). The CT Scan did not show any obstructions in the bowel. However, the doctor told us they did find a mass and a spot on my liver. I think we all just kinda sat there at that point. I don't know how my parents felt mentally or emotionally then. I began to prepare myself for the news that would follow a couple days later, I just had a gut feeling and knew.

I get to my room Wednesday morning around 9:00 a.m. or so. I am starving by this time because I have not had anything to eat or drink for quite sometime. Of course, I am on a clear liquid diet. [CLD]. That evening I have to drink the lovely drink that preps you for a colonoscopy. *I have a trick for drinking this, flavor it with water flavoring drops, except for red.* Thursday morning I have an ultrasound done of my liver, and then that evening around 5:00 I have the colonoscopy done. The results come back, and the mass that was found on the CT Scan is in my colon/rectum. We have to wait a while for pathology reports to come back but the surgeon was positive the mass was malignant (cancerous) To make an already long story short: most of the pain that I have been having for the last several months that was thought to be many other things, turned out to be colon cancer.

Yes, I said/thought/typed the word that no one likes to hear. Does it bother me? Not at all. Remember, I had a gut feeling after the results of the CT Scan came back showing a mass. So, I've had time to process the fact that I have cancer. Now, we treat it. Tomorrow is the first step. My first appointment with my oncologist, and Friday I will see my colorectal surgeon. Am I afraid of this new chapter that is being written in my life? No. I have always had a hunch that I would experience something like this in my lifetime. I know, it is odd to think that way, but I do so that if something does take place it is not such a shock for me. I am glad I am able to do that.

So, now we put on our armor and we fight this battle headstrong! 

For anyonne who may read this I would like to ask, if you have scripture or a quote that encourages you, please share it with me here or on Facebook. You may also email them to me at: prettigirlsmiles@gmail.com I am writing each of them down in a journal that I will take with me to treatment so I will always be encouraged by friends and family while they cannot be with me.

We can all rest in knowing that God allowed this to happen for a reason and He will be GLORIFIED in the end!!

I am not asking for much from anyone. Just be encouraging, not just to me, but each other as well.

Hugs & Love