April 28, 2016

Same Life, New Story: Anna


The biggest what-might-have-been I need to eliminate in my life is...

Well, let's just be honest here shall we...

What if I did not have cancer at 31 years old?

I would not appreciate life the way I do now; one moment at a time. I probably would still be looking to go out every weekend to listen to a band, still searching for that person to fill my hearts void in all the wrong places. I would still be a very restless person.

But, just like Anna I am slowly learning how to content myself until that void is filled in my life. What is it being filled with now, you ask? God. I have learned that if I do not keep Him and His Word in my mind and heart that is when I begin to have anxious thoughts and is often when I feel the most loneliness.

I am going to be real again; being single and fighting cancer has been a tough fight all its own. I have often thought to myself if that would ever happen again, because now not only am I in a wheelchair, but I also have cancer - 2 strikes from being out for some (just being honest)...

That is when I have finally learned to fill that empty filling with God and His promises, and if it be His will, He will fulfill the desire of my heart with a Godly man. For now, I will continue learning and growing in Him like /Anna did. I will not let Satan get in the way and steal the joy I have found.

If you are living in a past of "what-ifs" bring yourself into the "what-is" with God at the forefront and He will lead you into your future of "what-will-be", and you won't be left to wander!

Same Life, New Story: Hannah


The constant drama in my life centers around cancer (who?), and I can begin to delete that destructive drama by...

My entry today is not about a person like Hannah had to deal with (though I have encountered such people in my life and had to rid myself and life of them).

My current drama comes from cancer. As I have wrote about in a past blog; I found out just before Thanksgiving and began treatment the week of Christmas. So, as you may expect, the holidays last year were tough. I did not feel like myself and can honestly say I did not enjoy them like I wanted to because I was too busy having thoughts of "What if..." How could I not?!?

Cancer brings drama with it just the same as a person who is not happy with his/her life.

  • It does not care about you!
  • Causes intense pain, requiring strong meds.
  • Also known to cause blood clots.
  • Extreme tiredness and fatigue.
  • Nausea.
  • Low WBC counts (low immunity).
  • Numerous tests.
  • Harsh treatments (chemo and/or radiation).
A person who is always unhappy will always try to bring another down. Cancer has tried to bring me down and steal my joy to no avail. Instead, it has created my greatest joy; living and loving life! 

Unlike toxic people, I cannot delete cancer from my life. I have had to learn to trust God's will through this and just know He is in control. That has not always been easy because there are parts of this journey that I will never understand, and that is okay. Just like we don't always understand people like Penninah.

But, it is our job to be strong and stand up against those who think they can tear us down. God instilled in me a strong power to fight and make it.

Always have. Always will.

Cancer is Tiring

This is how I have felt for the last couple weeks even though things have been going so well and I have received good reports. I have just been tired. I am thankful to be getting four week break from chemo. That will give me plenty of down time to regroup. My last treatment was just exhausting. I could not do anything that weekend but sleep, and then last weekend I ended up having sinus trouble, which again made me tired.

I have had a very busy couple of weeks medically; preparing for possible surgery. I had an Anoscopy done last Thursday (4/21). Everything turned out great. Dr. Lorenzo could not find the rectal tumor, only a scar there. Tuesday (4/26) I had a CT-guided biopsy of my lower left pelvis - those results are still pending. Hopefully, they come back benign and it is something that can just be removed. Monday, (5/2) I go back to the hospital for a Cystoscopy. After all results are in from these tests I will go back to Dr. Lorenzo and further discuss surgery.

I do have some more good news to post. Starting this week I have a 4 week break from chemo. This is also in preparation for surgery. I am glad to have the break because I can get caught up on more rest and also enjoy things without so much worry. It will be nice.

However, the title of this post is true. Cancer is very tiring... there are things that come with it that just make you tired such as Cancer Related Fatigue. I know some of the things I post about on Facebook and here may seem like a joke, but they are definitely real. The fatigue hits without warning like a ton of bricks. There is no stopping it. Thankfully, it's only happened a couple times.

No matter how tired I get, and how much I don't want to.. I will always keep fighting!

April 21, 2016

Same Life, New Story: Deborah


The biggest "I can't" in my life that I want to change to an "I can" is...

Fighting cancer. There are some days I wish I did not know. But that seems unfair to others, and I would not appreciate life the way I do. I am thankful for that because it has brought me great joy. I make the best of every day even when I do not feel good, because I can.

Each day is an opportunity, the choice is ours as to what we do with it. 

The same is true with my cancer journey. I can be sad and bahumbug about it, or I can not let it drag me down and be a light for others. I chose the latter when I found out about my cancer because I didn't want others feeling sorry for me and showing pity. I think I do fairly well at keeping a "Can do" attitude. It is very important to keep good positive company to ensure that as well. Having "I can't, I don't want to" days happen, but we must not let them take over our story.

"God uses the unlikely to accomplish the impossible." ~ Jan Silvious

Same Life, New Story: Rahab


Based on the story of Rahab, I believe I can begin my new story because...

I believe. I believe we all have our chance to make our wrongs right for a better tomorrow. We just have to take that chance while there is still time. Rahab did. She believed that God would spare her and her family through the battle; He did. So, Rahab was able to give up her past of being a harlot and begin a new life with God. We are all given that same opportunity through Christ if we take it.

Also, in this chapter Jan notes the importance of asking yourself how people and situations are going to affect your story you are writing. There have been many times in my adult life that I could have missed out on a lot of trouble and hurt feelings if I had truly listened when others were right, and not been so bull headed. I have finally started seeing the importance of evaluating people and situations in my life since I started this journey last November. I no longer have time for drama or just having someone around for the heck of it, or at their convenience. You're either in it with me or not, your choice.

I have also learned what God takes from you, He replaces with something far better just as He did for Rahab. There have been people and situations removed from my life in recent years and because of that, He has been able to bless my life in ways I would have never dreamed of. I know what the meaning of a true friend is and what it means to be a true friend. I know how to trust that His will is far greater than my own.

April 14, 2016

Same Life, New Story: Leah


I would like to change the theme of my life because...

I want people to see a true change in me. I also do not want to feel like I am trying to ride both sides of the fence either. You see, before I decided to fully give up control of my life, (and I struggle still for Him to have control daily)... I was living two different ways. I would spend the week making plans to see a band in a bar on Friday or Saturday and then get up and go to church on Sunday. I lived this way for two years. Finally, I woke up one day and knew I had a choice to make. I had to live one way or the other. I chose to quit going to bars, and to start reading the Bible. I also became active in church. I had wanted this for a long time, but would not allow myself to let go. I still wanted to do what I thought was fun and enjoyable. I soon found out the fun and joy of those late nights were not memories that would be worth talking about for years to come. They were just fun for that time.

When I began to let God have control I started to notice a change in myself and my relationships with others. I have become a much happier person. I have experienced things over the last year that are memories worth talking about. I have made many a new friend through church, and love that we can talk about Jesus and what He has done in our lives.

Having Jesus in my life has made this cancer journey a more joyous time in my life. i know it would be totally different without Him! It would be a dark and lonely road.

It is my hope that my light for Christ shines bright and He can be seen through me. I want His joy to be the theme of my life. In a way, I guess you could say joy has been the theme of my life since this journey began. I've even said, I am one of the happiest people I know with cancer, and I intend to stay that way to the best of my ability throughout this journey!

Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

Same Life, New Story: Naomi

Same Life New Story (SLNS) by Jan Sillvious is a 10 week Bible Study for women the ladies at Birchwood Baptist are currently reading. A dear friend kindly bought the book for me so I could read and study/journal along with them. So far I love this book and the journaling that goes with it, and I am glad to share it here as well! I hope you enjoy!!


I know the time has come in my life for me to leave my old story behind and begin a new one because...

The Lord got my attention with a quickness and shook me to my core. On November 23, 2015 I was diagnosed with stage IV colorectal cancer. When I heard the words and really let them sink in, my mind went numb for a few moments. Just like everyone else I did not want to believe it. However, I knew I was going to have to be strong and positive, not just for me but my family too.

So, I quickly adopted the phrase and mental-knowing that God goes before me. He knew this was going to take place in my life and He does not give us more than we can handle. He gave me a strong will for a reason, and this just happens to be one of them.

Unlike Naomi, who turned bitter and angry with God; I have let this chapter become one of great joy in Him. I know He is working in me. He is reaching others through this and I have learned to enjoy and appreciate every moment of life!!

Do not be afraid or discouraged for he Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail nor abandon you. Deut. 31:8