August 20, 2015

It's Not Always Sunshine & Rainbows

I know, my posts here are always uplifting and and positive. It mostly likely portrays my life as:

Sunshine & Rainbows

Let me assure you, it is not always that way. At this very moment, I am feeling much more like this:


Now, I do not feel this way in every aspect of my life. My life as a whole is great. However, there is part of it that I wish were a little bit easier and less confusing. I deal with a lot of minuet pains due to having a lot of spasticity and increased muscle tone in my lower extremities. Some occur only at night and others whenever they want to. I have dealt with them for years. I have finally succeeded in getting one of the major ones under control with the help of my doctor - because she took the time to listen to me and understand what I was saying. 

However, it is not always that simple. Sometimes, I don't even know what to do or who would be best to talk to. I know what is available for me to try, and I have tried some things. They work for only a little while it seems. 

I remember the days when it seemed easy. It was easy for me because I was not the one making the important decisions. My mother was and she did a great job. We had comfort in the team of doctors I had as a child at Shriners Hospitals for Children. Where would we have been without them? I don't know. Do I wish I could go back to them now? YES! I trusted them and felt they never steered us wrong.

Now, here I am a woman. Those decisions can no longer be made by anyone else but me. This is where I become confused. I don't know what is best for me. Finding the right doctor for such a conversation seems like a joke at times, but maybe I have found them. Maybe they will listen and help me to make the best informed decision I can with the options I know are out there.

Sometimes, I want that special someone there to cheer me on when I have tough days. [Not that my friends and family don't], I just want that part of love from my spouse. I deserve and pray I find it one day soon.

So, there you have it. A little more of me in a not so cheerful light, but rest assured; I will overcome. I always do.

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