I know I have been rather quiet on here about what has been going on in my life since I began posting about the Bible Study. I apologize as I know there are some who get updates from here; and some of you simply like the way I write.
In my last post I mentioned I would be taking a break from chemo to prepare for surgery and that would be discussed with Dr. Lorenzo during the next visit on 5/12. The appointment has come and gone, but it did not go as we were expecting -- (discussion of how the operation would be done and what recovery would be like). Instead, we discussed why surgery was not my best option. Obviously, this not what I was prepared to talk about, but was very comforted by the doctor in the confidence she displayed and her words.
It turns out the spot in my lower left pelvis is only one lymph node that is cancerous. It cannot be removed surgically safely because of the location. Dr. Lorenzo said if she did go in and remove it that I likely would not be able to sit on my bottom anymore and the pain would be unbearable. Basically, it comes down to continuing to have a good quality of life, which would not be with surgery. I would also need chemo even after surgery. So, why cause unnecessary pain and diminish quality of life when what we have been doing is still working? Surgery was pointless, really.
So where are we? We are now in the maintenance phase of my care. I will always be on some form of chemo from here on out. This has been tough to process and accept this week. Dr. Tran was basically on the same page as Dr. L... so I knew what to expect at my appointment Wed., but that did not make it any easier. Each day does get a little easier though. Basically, my cancer is being treated as a chronic illness (think diabetes or fibro) and being managed with the chemo.
I know I am not the author of my story. God is. His plan is greater and better than anything I think I should be doing in my life. I am already seeing why His plan is greater. First and foremost, I can still live my life to its fullest potential and do not have to spend it in my hospital bed because I am not able to sit up. I have also been given an opportunity to have a job one day a week; something I did not think would ever happen in my life... but... God had better plans!
May 27, 2016
May 17, 2016
The action I most need to take in my life that will require wisdom and courage is...
To keep fighting. It takes a lot of wisdom and courage. Wisdom to know God does not make mistakes, and will carry us through whatever He brings us to. Sometimes it is hard to TRUST, but it's what I have to do!
Courage has been a part of this journey since the beginning. Sometimes it is hard to be courageous and upbeat. I have learned it is OK to have moments and cry when I need to. Cause sometimes it is very overwhelming on the mind. Those are the times where trust comes in.