Bad Times Bring Great Times

Well, readers,

It looks like you are going to have to bare with me for updates... treatment went well, but let it be known it is ROUGH. I cannot really put it into words other than to say, I did not feel like me and I did not like it. I am a very busy person and I am not use to not feeling the least bit well. The first 2 days after treatment I felt like total crap. I did not want to talk to anyone, text anyone, muchless try to update this. So, bare with me.

I am happy to report that the past two days have been very good days. Both of my best friends were able to see me on good days, which was for sure a blessing.

Christmas, it was rough but I did my best to enjoy it. I received several cards and gifts from friends and family. My most favorite gift came from my sister. My first pair of cowgirl boots!! I have been on the hunt for some for a long time that I would be able to put on myself (zip up the side)... she found them. :)

My appetite has just started returning over the last couple days as well. I am thankful to have so much time before my next treatment because it gives me time to enjoy food.. and have some fun days with family and friends. These good days are very much needed and very much appreciated.

With that said, I am going to go enjoy reading or coloring for a while before going to sleep. Maybe my next post will be from my new 2 in 1 laptop/tablet I hope to purchase before returning to treatment on Jan. 5!

Love and Hugs

Busy Week

This past week was very busy. I had appointments everyday except yesterday, (Friday). Mom and I kept the roads hot, lol!

Monday - We did not have to go to a medical appointment, but a friend came to the house and cut my hair for me. I wanted it cut really close to my head in case my hair fell out during treatment. I buzzed it a little shorter today, I'm loving the buzz and not  having to fix hair! :)

I apologize for not using flash, but there you have it!

Tuesday - I met my radiologist. We didn't discuss much... just went over the basics of what radiation was and how it works. I was very happy to learn that it will not burn afterward! I love their office also. They have very comfy couches to sit on in the lobby and beautiful finches to watch. I really enjoyed visiting here. I am not sure how long I will have to do radiation or how often yet. I go back Monday for a simulation visit to see where the radiation will be used etc.

Wednesday - Weekly visit with Dr. Tran. Increased pain meds and discussed what type of chemo I would have and the side effects. I will not lose my hair, but it will thin; and I can except nausea and vomiting. Treatment starts at 8:45 Tuesday.

Thursday - This was a big day. I had my port placed for Chemo. It was weird waiting to go back for surgery... I have not had surgery since I was a teen (that is if you count having wisdom teeth removed).. before that I was 9 & 10. It is weird having anesthesia through IV and not a masks, but not complaining about that at all, it works faster and you do not wake up groggy. I learned this when I had my liver biopsy a couple weeks ago. I can't remember the date of that right now. We have not discussed the results of said biopsy with the doctor. Hopefully Tuesday! Grr... I had pictures to go with this day also.. I will have to download them and edit the post another day.. ugh!!

Friday - I was suppose to see Dr. Lorenzo in clinic, but she did my surgery so one less trip and a lazy day! I did take a nap today, :) I haven't been sleeping like I need to so yes; I am proud of myself for a nap!

Love and Hugs!

I Am Not Afraid

The picture really sums up this entire blog post.
God told us all not to be afraid one time for everyday of the year.
How awesome is that?
We all should live everyday, fearless. Yet, He knows we are human.
As humans it is natural for us to fear things, especially things that involve uncertainties.

Cancer can and often does involve many uncertainties. The majority of people are naturally afraid of it. They cannot bear the thought of it and do not like to even speak the word. I totally understand all of this. What I am about to say is not meant to be taken as me having a better than you attitude...

I am not afraid. I know, that is probably hard for you to believe... because who in their right mind would not be afraid of a cancer diagnosis, right?

It is true. I am not afraid. God has been preparing me for something big for a couple years now, a couple of times.. I thought I knew was it was, but I believe it was just more preparation for this journey. My hope and trust lies with Him.

As I told my pastor, I am ready to run this race and win!

Love and Hugs

Follow Your Arrow

Often times in our lives we do not pay attention to the path that lead us to a certain point. We are human and tend to just... well, live. There is a country song that says, "Follow your arrow wherever in points." No doubt, I am. :)

I have paid attention to the path my life has been on this year, and it has lead me exactly to where I am today. Every event that has taken place in my life this year has lead me here and I could not be more grateful. I have felt God this year. His presence has been strong. I will even go as far as to say I have seen him in people that I have encountered and formed relationships with. I have no doubt of that.

Earlier this year, I wrote my testimony about how I had made changes in my life, let God have control.. and couldn't wait to see where it lead me. You can find it here. Is it true that it has lead me into unexpected territory, yes because I did not expect news like I have received so young. However, as I stated on Facebook; I have always been somewhat mentally prepared for an event such as this to take place in my life. Why? I do not really know.

I do not like that I am having to go through any of this: the pain, treatments, sickness, weakness.. it isn't fun, and my journey is just getting started; but I know He is going to see me through and He is going to be glorified through out all of this. He is with me every step because He already knew we were going to be on this journey. Can someone say Amen?

Friends, I am confident that everything is going to be okay. I have trust and peace with my team of doctors that only comes from God. I should not be so "okay" with having cancer. I should be saying this isn't happening to me, why me right at the holidays? I don't deserve this. I should be angry. I should be hurting. Once again, I am not. Why? Because, He came before me on this journey and He is with me now.

I have cancer. So what. I have a life to keep living.

Love and Hugs

P.S. Will post a medical update tomorrow.

Grouchy

I have learned several things over the last few weeks since being newly diagnosed with cancer, but the number one thing besides the obvious which is pain sucks; is that I can be a GROUCH.

Yes, all of you who think I am just so sweet all the time... Lol.. no I can be a grouch and a sassafrass. No, it did not bother me to admit that, because it is true.

I like structure and for the last few weeks things seem to just be a bit chaotic still, at least to me. Where I once would love the hustle and bustle of people in and out all the time, tv blaring, etc... Now, I want a quiet and calm environment. Don't get me wrong, I still want people to visit; I can just do without the unnecessary background noise.

I do have myself on a schedule of sorts. I take morning meds at 6, then noon, then 6p, and 11:30-12. I sleep til about 11a after taking morning meds; wake up and then take noon meds. Depending on  the day I am having I may or may not need a nap.

Usually a nap does come into my day at some point and I have figured out the best place for me to nap is in my room. I can make it calm and quiet and not have to worry about someone knocking or the dogs pestering me.

In this short time I have also learned that you will be poked and prodded more than you want to or can even bother to keep up with. Also, they like to make you go NPO (no food by mouth) for procedures.

No food paired with pain makes for what.... a grouch. Tomorrow shall be fun. Liver biopsy at 7a.m. No food after 12a and no meds in the morning. JOY!! :\

So if you ever call, or text and I am short and snappy or give short replies I may just be in a grouchy mood.

New Doctors/An Easy Weekend

Friday's appointments went well. The PET scan took about 90 minutes. The longest part is sitting and waiting for the dye to be digested through your body. (I will be sure to take a book next time!) The results of the scan will be in Monday, but I will not know what they are until I see Dr. Tran Wednesday afternoon. The results of the PET scan is the only part of this whole journey that I am even semi anxious about, only because it shows where the cancer is in my body. My prayer is that it has not spread and is contained within my rectum only.

I met with my surgeon Friday afternoon as well. She is very pleasant to be around and has a great bedside manner and concern for her patients. I feel the same way about her colleague I spoke with as well. They are just as baffled as any other doctor I have seen within the last few weeks. Once the PET results are in and gone over - everything will make more sense for everyone involved. Also, the genetics testing will help the surgeons decide their course of action as well. I will update on that as soon as that information is available. I will see them again in 2 weeks.

My liver biopsy will be done Tuesday morning at 7 or 7:30 a.m. Though I am not looking forward to the procedure I am glad it will be done and over with. One less thing to worry about.

My weekend has been great. Friday evening I was able to spend time with my sweet friend/sister LaBrisha and her daughters Haylee and Kylee. It had been a little over 2 years since I had seen them. The visit definitely made me feel good and lifted my spirits. Kylee and Kaylee were able to play too. It was a great evening, and I hope they are able to visit again soon.

Saturday evening we had a visit from our friend Sheila. She and her husband came by to pick up a swing and visited for a little over an hour I'd say. We all had a lot of laughs. I really enjoyed seeing them and meeting her husband. Hopefully, when I am well; we can go visit them and see their animals.

I had intentions of going to church this morning, but was not able to because of my pain. I know they all understand, but I miss my church family. They are all wonderful people.

It's been a relaxing, easy weekend.

Love and Hugs

More Tests and Consultations

The meeting with my oncologist went well yesterday.  He was very nice and also very thorough. He would like to for my family and I to do genetic testing because of the strong history of cancer on my Mom's side of the family. Hopefully, my insurance will pay for that. He changed my meds and said to keep an eye on fevers/

Today has been a fairly good day. Pain has been tolerated well.

I even have a bit of a praise report. I had started hurting again before I decided to shower, so I asked God to let the pain subside long enough for me to be able to shower. He did just that my friends. We have an awesome God.

That's about all the news I have for now. Sleep *should* be coming soon, 5 a.m. comes early. I will have my PET scan at 7 a.m. and then go have a consultation with my surgeon in the afternoon.

Love and Hugs

Tomorrow: The Beginning of An Unexpected Chapter

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, the day after today, that is what tomorrow is, right?

Yes, but it is not just tomorrow for me, my family, my best friends. It is the beginning of a new chapter in all of our lives. This chapter is going to be full of many many ups and downs. Let's just be blunt. It IS going to be a chaotic roller coaster in every way possible. There is no way around that, but we will make it like we always do! Nothing is going to stop us. Ok, so what I am rambling about?

Here you go. I was admitted into the hospital on November 18 due to severe nausea, and other things related to that. I was given a couple bags of fluid and medicines to help with nausea etc. while in the ER. Also, while there they did a CT Scan of my abdomen and ran tests on a stool sample. The sample came back positive for C. Diff, which is an infection of the intestines. (Bad bacteria takes over in your GI tract). The CT Scan did not show any obstructions in the bowel. However, the doctor told us they did find a mass and a spot on my liver. I think we all just kinda sat there at that point. I don't know how my parents felt mentally or emotionally then. I began to prepare myself for the news that would follow a couple days later, I just had a gut feeling and knew.

I get to my room Wednesday morning around 9:00 a.m. or so. I am starving by this time because I have not had anything to eat or drink for quite sometime. Of course, I am on a clear liquid diet. [CLD]. That evening I have to drink the lovely drink that preps you for a colonoscopy. *I have a trick for drinking this, flavor it with water flavoring drops, except for red.* Thursday morning I have an ultrasound done of my liver, and then that evening around 5:00 I have the colonoscopy done. The results come back, and the mass that was found on the CT Scan is in my colon/rectum. We have to wait a while for pathology reports to come back but the surgeon was positive the mass was malignant (cancerous) To make an already long story short: most of the pain that I have been having for the last several months that was thought to be many other things, turned out to be colon cancer.

Yes, I said/thought/typed the word that no one likes to hear. Does it bother me? Not at all. Remember, I had a gut feeling after the results of the CT Scan came back showing a mass. So, I've had time to process the fact that I have cancer. Now, we treat it. Tomorrow is the first step. My first appointment with my oncologist, and Friday I will see my colorectal surgeon. Am I afraid of this new chapter that is being written in my life? No. I have always had a hunch that I would experience something like this in my lifetime. I know, it is odd to think that way, but I do so that if something does take place it is not such a shock for me. I am glad I am able to do that.

So, now we put on our armor and we fight this battle headstrong! 

For anyonne who may read this I would like to ask, if you have scripture or a quote that encourages you, please share it with me here or on Facebook. You may also email them to me at: prettigirlsmiles@gmail.com I am writing each of them down in a journal that I will take with me to treatment so I will always be encouraged by friends and family while they cannot be with me.

We can all rest in knowing that God allowed this to happen for a reason and He will be GLORIFIED in the end!!

I am not asking for much from anyone. Just be encouraging, not just to me, but each other as well.

Hugs & Love