Where Do We Go From Here?
I am hoping to have a better understanding of this very question. It is a difficult question to have in your mind. I see Dr. Tran Wednesday afternoon and am eager to speak to him about treatment options.
I will not give up this fight. I have too many people fighting for me that are doing so because they love and care about me! I realize I cannot write worth a flip at night. But one day, all this mumbo jumbo will make some kind of sense!
OK! Let's try last nights entry again with clearer thoughts and better handwriting!
Where do we go from here?
Since finding out surgery was not the best option for me, this question has been on my mind. I know we will continue chemo. What kind? Are there any clinical trials i can do. All of these questions will be answered when I see Dr. Tran Wednesday afternoon. My hope is he will have good things to say in light of not having surgery. I also hope that after talking with him the acceptance will come easier. For now, I am just ready to start treatment again.
Emotions and Feelings
Today is just one of those days. I want quiet. I have been very irritable this afternoon. It has been a very trying week both mentally and emotionally. I just had my 32nd birthday.
It was a good day even though I had pain. I got 3 new outfits and a new tumbler. Lisa made me peanut butter balls. (That was a nice change from cake). I will be honest and say that it was a tough day mentally too. The anxious thoughts crossed my mind a few times, but I was also very unsettled because I had not been on treatment. It was beginning to make me worry.
Wednesday, I had an appointment with Dr. Tran. I knew how it would go... we would manage things from here on out just as Dr. Lorenzo had said a couple weeks before. Yet, it was still hard to hear. This time I couldn't just "okay". I had to take it in and process it. I had to accept where we were and what that meant. I am okay with it, as much as I can be; but it has made me sensitive too I guess. Hence, the irritability today.
All I know is that God is in control of all this and He will be glorified. I have to keep Him in my life or Satan comes on strong. I found comfort in the Word today. Sitting down to write has helped to clear my mind.
Round 10 next Wednesday. We keep fighting!