Everything Is Not Sunshine & Rainbows...

Photo Credit: Jillybean345 @ deviantart.net

My blog has become sort of a "Dear Diary" base and I do not like that. I know I use it to update everyone on how my cancer treatment is going and I am happy to do that for you. But, I need to change it up a bit I think, also. I need to be a bit more real with the world outside about what a day in my life is like. I need to share the ins and outs, the good and bad, I need to share it all. And you must know and understand that -everything is not sunshine and rainbows- ~sometimes is black clouds and rain.~

So, what is today? In my world it's sunshine and rainbows. I am content, my pain level is at a steady 1 (yay for this) I am sitting comfortably in my recliner with my favorite blanket, coloring books, a box of Crayons, and my tablet. This is typically how everyday is spent. Typically, especially during chemo week. It is getting that time of year where I need to stay inside and keep my immunity up as best I can for my off weeks. That means, staying inside in my recliner with a big t-shirt on and a diaper under my favorite blanket. [I told you I was going to be raw and open.]

A lot has changed over the last few months as far as the dynamics of my care, and though it has been an adjustment, I am okay with whatever helps and makes everyone of us comfortable as a whole.

How have the dynamics changed? The biggest change for me has been less physical activity. This is due in part to not being able to sit in my wheelchair for extended periods of time because of pain. This particular pain began after having a biopsy done on my lower left pelvis I believe. Since then, I have not been able to sit in my wheelchair for long periods of time unless I medicate before hand. If I do not do so then as soon as I sit down in the chair my pain level shoots up and it takes a while for it to come back down to a bearable level so I can sit in my chair. So, instead of sitting in my chair during the day; I opted for my Mom's recliner. This is the only other place I can sit comfortably besides my bed, and I don't need to stay there all day.

The bathroom has also become kind of nonexistent in my life these days; also due to the pain I mentioned above. It is very uncomfortable to sit on the toilet for any length of time to go. If I am having a good day and able to be up in my wheelchair for the biggest part of the day, I do try my best to use the potty; but more often than not, that just doesn't happen these days. How did we remedy this? You guessed it! Adult pull-ups & diapers. This is the part that took me some getting use to. I found it embarrassing for a while. Who wants to be in such a position at 32 if it can be helped? No one. But, that is the reality of life, sometimes these things cannot be helped and you just have to go with the flow and do what makes things easier and gives you, the patient, the most comfort. Right now, that is what gives me the most comfort because I am not in pain while trying to go, and I shouldn't have to be.

However, it can make for some long tiresome nights for both mom and I. I usually have to wake her up at least 2 times a night depending on how things have gone that day with my stomach. It tends to like to work at night, no matter what we do. But, I know she wouldn't trade this chapter in our lives, nor would I. We needed something to draw us close together, to help us find our comfortzone with each other.. Cancer brought us together, and I will be forever grateful.

 I know some people cannot handle this type of thing and that is fine, but I do pray there is someone out there who can so I can have the love and companionship I deserve to have, just like everyone else.

Bed Time has changed too. Things have to be done a certain way or I am restless and do not sleep well. Truth be told, Mom has be a little spoiled and I am fine with that. She fixes my pillows a certain way each night depending on how I choose to sleep. Generally, I sleep on my left side with one pillow behind my back and the other tucked under my head where I can snuggle the corner along with holding my Pup. [ 32 and sleep with a BaB stuffed animal, win!] She still tucks the cover in around me too... and off to sleep I go and usually sleep all night.

So there you have it neatly laid out... my daily life and what it is like. Even some of what it consists of... and now you know that every day is not sunshine and rainbows. Some days are pain filled and not pleasant for anyone. Others, much like today.. are calm and relaxing...