February 14, 2016

The Heart is A Lonely Hunter

...not to be confused with the Reba McEntire song, or whatever book is out there.

The heart can definitely be a lonely hunter. It longs and yearns to be filled with love and able to return that especially to the love of your life.

I have been single for 3 years. It has not been a bad experience. I have learned a lot about myself and grown more as an individual during this time.

However, if you read my blog regularly you know that my life took a very different turn about 3 1/2 months ago with the diagnosis of cancer. During this time I have experienced many emotions and thoughts. The one that seems to hang on with a grip is loneliness. The further I have gotten into treatment, the more lonely I seem to become. Let me make it clear [before someone jumps ahead of themselves]... I am NOT depressed. I am still a very happy and positive person, just very lonely. Now you're wondering, "Why in the world would she be lonely so many people just love her." Yes, this is very true and I am well aware of this fact. However, it is not the same as having a special someone to go through this with.

I really do not know how to put it into words even in a hand written journal. I am just simply lonely. I long very deeply for love again. While I am very comforted by people, having someone special to walk through this time in my life would be of even more comfort. There is a calm that comes about when you have that special hand to hold and know they're going to be there with you through the good and the bad.

I am almost clueless as to how to remedy this for myself. I have tried every thing I know. I am even on Christian Mingle which has not proven to be of any help thus far. I know people are scared knowing I have the diagnosis I do, we're human I expect it. Things are going well now, and I am ready to move along in life - even if it's just talking to someone getting to know them. I do no expect love overnight, who in their right mind would?! Just being able to take the step in getting to know someone would be huge right now.

If you could stand to read this far, thank you.

Love & Hugs,

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