Scan #3 and a Wonderful Weekend

Last Wednesday I had my third CT Scan. I am glad to say it went well, aside from severe shoulder pain that nearly had me in tears.

[I've had shoulder pain for the last several weeks. It got so bad a few weekends ago that I ended up making a trip to the ER to get the pain under control because the medicine I have would not touch it. However, after the scan I prayed that the pain would begin to become tolerable and/or subside and I am glad to say that prayer has been answered].

The doctor kindly called me Thursday with a brief report. Everything is fantastic in regards to my cancer. The lymph node is still stable, and the liver tumor is now 1/2 cm!! Praise the Lord! I also asked that my shoulder be included in this scan, so that maybe we could figure out what was going on with it. It turns out, my jugular vein on the right side is narrowing and there appear to be clots in the catheter. This is why it has been so difficult to get a blood return. We did not get one today, so I had to be pricked in the finger and stuck in the arm.

The plan for the port issue is to remove and replace in on the 22nd. I am a little nervous about this of course, but I know the Lord will carry me through!

Also, last weekend I was suppose to go out of town with friends and see Beth Moore speak in Nashville. She runs Living Proof Ministries. I was really looking forward to this. I have done one of her Bible Studies and it was amazing.. well, what I got to participate in before I got sick! We were also going to explore some of Nashville - it's on my bucket list. I was unable to go because of the previously mentioned shoulder pain and severe constipation.

I was feeling very good Saturday. My shoulder was very tolerable and I had a happy colon. So, Mom and Dad surprised me with a day trip to NC. We went to the new casino, which I found to be a great stress reliever and just a great way to relax. Afterward, we went to Field of the Wood. It was a very calm and peaceful experience.

Friends - They're Important (1/2/16) ~ Preparation: Treatment Week 2 (1/3/16)

I have continued to make the absolute best days out of this off week! I've been out of the house a few times and was able to treat myself to a new gadget that will help pass the time on chemo days. I also found great joy in coloring again, it'd been a while.

Most of all, I have found the importance of having friends and why they're a vital part of our lives. They keep us happy, vibrant, abnd full of life. My friends and family have really made this week a blast!

This week has been full of:

JOY!

As long as I have God, family, and my friends I know I will make it through this cause they are all a girl needs!!

God is good through all times in our lives! He loves us through our darkest and makes our bright days brighter!
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I was able to attend church this morning for at least one more time before my immunity lowers too much. I am glad because it was a great way to prepare for the week ahead. Round 2 of treatment begins Tuesday at 8:30.

The sermon this morning was great preparation for being able to trust Him through tough times this week. It was a refreshing reminder that was much needed!

Tonight's verse is also:

All of the struggle will be for good! Romans 8:28

Chemo Round 1 - Unexpected Things (12/29/15) ~ Post Chemo - Better Days (12/30/15)

Unexpected things is right! Up until this point I had continued to feel normal. When chemo does hit you it's like you are in a body that is not even yours. You can't edo anything to make things normal. No matter what you try, you just don't feel well.

Also, in my experience it was right before Christmas. (12/22-12/24) So the holiday was a challenge all the way around. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. I enjoyed all the company I had, but it was exhausting at the same time. It was mentally and emotionally draining because my mind and thoughts were going in all different directions. But, I made the best of it as best I was able to and loved all the gifts I received!
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Yesterdays attempt to journal still was not a good one to me. Thoughts were very jumbled still, but I did have a very good day. Very glad that I have been able to enjoy the visitors I've had for the las couple days. Those first few days are just rough, but now I know kind of what to expect and how to get through them. At least next round there is not a big holiday!

I have definitely found and appreciation for the good days no matter how much or little they involve!

The Beginning - Port Placement (12/17/15) ~ Not Me - Anxiety/Bad Nerves (12/1/15)

Today really marks the start of my battle against cancer. This afternoon I had the surgery to place my port for chemotherapy. The operation id not take long and I was very comfortable with my medical team.

I am definitely sore; hoping to have that gone by Monday! Having the port will take some getting use to, but I'll do it!

Today's verse is very fitting. (There are Bible verses at the end of each page in my journal). He will/does rescue us! I feel like He is already rescuing me. I know His hand is upon me through this entire journey. He has been preparing me for a while!

What makes everything so peaceful and reassuring is knowing that He loved me enough to prepare me for this journey and I am ready!

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Over the last couple weeks I have noticed (as have others) that I have been a bit more on edge, and more outspoken than normal. I am sure it is a combination of meds and pain. Things that normally wouldn't bother me seem to drive me up the wall; which bothers me even more. I speak before thinking. . . . more than before. However, I can control my nerves, sometimes I have to remind myself it is not just me dealing with this, and that some of the things that bother me, I need to learn to overlook because it is not a big deal. (i.e. a rattling chip bag).

Heads Up

Just writing a little heads up post here. My blog is about to get really busy ya'll. I am going to start making scheduled posts on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

 One is going to be from my personal cancer journal that I keep, so you all have a little more insight on the things I really go through.

The other is going to be my sermon notes from Dr. Charles Stanley (In Touch Ministries) and Joyce Meyer (Enjoying Everyday Life).

I hope all who read these will not only learn from them, but enjoy the sermon posts.

I look forward to gaining more readers through this experiment!

The Mind of a Cancer Patient

Today, I want to share with you what it is like inside my mind sometimes...

On Good Days: (Like today) My mined is in a good place. My thoughts are happy and pleasant. On days like this cancer is forgotten about. I have a very thankful heart! I live my life as normal on this days and truly enjoy them! That may consist of being very busy out and about, or enjoying the quiet of my room reading & writing.

On Bad Days: OF course these are the most challenging. They come with many emotions, often mixed. They come with lots of frustration, too. These are the days that are mentally exhausting. I am often very irritable and hard to handle on these days as well. I am quick to snap and people without meaning to. I don't know how I am going to feel from day-to-day. When I don't feel good I find that I wonder what is next a lot... But often find the next day is usually brighter!

So, What do we feel?

Anger & Frustration because we get tired of pain and daily medication routines. They.Get.Old. Pain makes us angry because sometimes we don't know the cause and pain meds don't always help.

Sadness & Uncertainty because we do not know what tomorrow brings. Even so we get up and make the best of everyday. I fine that I personally experience the most sadness when I hear of someone passing from cancer. It shakes my care and boggles my mind for a few days, because one day... but it's one day for everyone and if we know Jesus, then all is well anyway. But, I will be 100% right now, my flesh is not ok with that. Maybe because I am young. Maybe my faith is weak, I don't know, but I pray for peace when that time comes.

Happiness, yep! We have good days. For some they are many, others very few. I am very fortunate to have lots of good days. I make the best of each! Sometimes, I spent them being lazy, most days I try to do sometime fun. I have had a lot of lazy days lately because of the heat!! When I am happy & feeling good cancer is the farthest thing from my mind; and I am so glad I am able to just live, and not have cancer in the forefront. I consider that a blessing!

I hope that by writing this it helps others to understand that this is not just a physical battle, but mental too; and that when I seem snappy I do not always mean it. Often, my mood is effected by the pre-meds I get before chemo & the meds I take daily at home.

Chemo Side Effects

The side effects of chemo and how they really effect and interfere with daily life are hard to explain to someone who is not "in it" with you every day, day in and day out.

So, in this blog I am going to make an attempt to explain the side effects I experience and how they affect my daily life.

*Keep in mind this in my own personal experience. Someone else's may be totally different depending upon the type of treatment they are receiving.*

~Numbness and Tingling: I have this sensation in my hands almost all the time as a result of the Oxacilliaplatin. This is one I hoped would go away after stopping that particular drug. Unfortunately, that has not been the case. I still experience this after every cycle and lately it has been lingering into my off weeks. It makes daily tasks a challenge. I do not like the feeling of a wet wash cloth in my hands so that makes showering and bathing difficult. The feeling of the keyboard under my fingertips is sometimes annoying so that is why it has been almost a month since anything has been written in here. I am having to just make myself do my normal things despite this nuisance.

~Fatigue: This is a big one. Sometimes your body just puts the brakes on and you have to rest! I have been known to sleep nearly 3 days, but this is not uncommon/. Chemo is hard on your body so it is important to rest as needed.

~Nausea/Loss of Appetite: This is a very common side effect for many patients. I have been very fortunate and only had mild nausea which Zofran takes care of. But, I know of many who stay sick through treatment.

~Irritability/Restlessness: I don't know about anyone else, but this is another biggy for me. Noise gets on my nerves after chemo, as well as joking around and being silly. Yeah, it's odd but just me. I like still and quiet after treatment. My irritability is not directed at anyone specifically - I just prefer a couple days of quiet unless I feel like doing something. This is also caused by the medications I am on during treatment and at home.

These are just some of the things I have/do experience after treatment and a lot of times they are very frustrating.