I Owe It ALL to Him...

Photo Credit: FirstCovers.com

In my last post I wrote about having to have a scan rather early, however I did not post what the results were..

Let me just begin by saying, I truly owe it ALL to GOD, My Father, My Savior!! He is working in my favor on this journey, well I should not say working in my favor. He is answering prayers, and has again and again throughout this journey. If you have followed since the beginning then you know that I was told in the beginning that my treatment would be on going and I would not be cured, the cancer would be maintained. My best hope was, no evidence of disease. I myself, was very unsure about this, even as much as I have trusted in Him the cancer journey can sometimes be a bundle of nerves. I was particularly apprehensive about this scan because:

1. It was scheduled earlier than normal. They are usually about 3-4 months apart.
2. I have been having a lot of pain in the same general area for months and they didn't know where it was coming from.
3. I was worried the cancer had grown and/or spread.

Well, we went in on the 19th of October for treatment and results....

Ya'll, I could not believe my ears when the doctor left the room!!! The liver tumor is now barely visible if even at all on the scan, they only had to remark on it because it was on the scan I had in August. So, that means all that can be seen on the scan cancer wise is the pelvic lymphnode and it remains stable at this time. He also said, "There was no new evidence of cancer growth." I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I was/am to hear these words, because they are words I wasn't sure I would hear. I am relieved and I am thankful that I serve a mighty God who seen fit for me to be blessed once again on this journey with good news. I am so thankful for that. I am thankful for my life, more now than I ever have been. It truly is a precious gift from Him and we need to thank Him for it everyday.

I am so glad that I can look forward to this holiday season without fear and gloom hanging over my head. I can celebrate my life during this season and I am beyond grateful for that.

I did ask one of my nurses if I would be considered to be in what is called partial remission and her thoughts were yes, but that I would still have to take my treatment on a regular schedule like I have been. I would not be able to have a break of months with no chemo. My chemo is a lot like Round Up. It keeps the cancer away just like Round Up keeps weeds away! 

According to the National Cancer Institute (NCI), partial remission is defined as a decrease in the size of a tumor, or in the extent of cancer in the body, in response to treatment. Also called a partial response.

THANK YOU JESUS FOR THIS BLESSING UPON MY LIFE AND FAMILY. I COULD NOT HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR WITHOUT YOUR LOVE AND MERCY UPON MY LIFE! THANK YOU FATHER FOR THE STRENGTH YOU GIVE ME TO MAKE IT THROUGH EACH AND EVERY DAY, EVEN WHEN SOME ARE NOT THAT GREAT. EVEN ON THE DAYS THAT I HAVE TO HAVE A GOOD CRY JUST TO PROCESS SOME EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS. YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE TO PICK ME BACK UP AND SEND WARM, COMFORTING THOUGHTS MY WAY.

Love & Hugs,

Crystal

Round 18: Giggly Girls & SnapChat

Round 18 was lots of fun with my Nana B! We were giggly girls having fun on SnapChat.

 As you can see we had a lot of fun playing on Snap Chat. Afterward. we enjoyed our Wednesday lunch at Jersey Mike's! We truly make the best out of a day that could be filled with gloom. I go in with a smile, and she brings the laughter! I look forward to chemo days with Nana and Mom

Love and Hugs,
Crystal

Off Week (7/9/16) ~ Round 13 (7/14/16) ~ Off Week Again (7/16/16)

Off Week

For an off week this one has been quite a challenge. But, I still manage to find good in each day.

I had a very good Fourth of July with Mike, Karen, and cuz Misty. She and I got to meet EmiSunshine! I was  really tired that night and snappy because I was hurting. Thankfully, that is all good now.

However, to backtrack... I learned I do not like to be away from Mom and Dad during chemo week. It's nothing against anyone else, I am just use to the way we do things and that is okay.

Now, why this week has been a challenge...

My hands have been numb and tingling since treatment. This is very frustrating. I can't stand to touch anything cold or wet. I have to put something over a cup and can't stand the feeling of a wash cloth which makes showering difficult. Writing, typing, everything I normally do is effected by this because I don't like the way things feel in my hands.

I have also been ill and irritable this week. This is expected with medications I am on, but I am going to work on it the best I can.

Round 13

So far this round has gone well. I am hoping not have any bad side effects after this round because I have plans Saturday. I watched the ESPYS last night. There was a gentleman on there who has leukemia an has lived 2 years long than expected. He renewed my hope and made me want to fight harder. I find it amazing how people we do not know can help us. I hope that someone out there is helped through my story. I know I have probably touched many and just don't know it.

I had a visit from Aunt Sharon and Uncle Andy today. We went to and visited Mamaw and Papaw. It was good to see them!

Chemo #10 and 11 (6/16/16)

Chemo #10 and 11

 Round 10 was a bit rough. As I expected it to be. I had some tummy troubles and was completely exhausted from treatment. I slept the entire weekend away. It took a couple days after for me to start feeling good. Then the following Wednesday I ended up vomiting shortly after taking my AM meds. So I took it easy and laid around the majority of the day. Thankfully, by evening I was well again.

Thursday was an exciting day, it was my very first day of work at The Dog House. I really enjoyed it and had a lot fun. Definitely looking forward to next Thursday. The dogs are good anxiety therapy. I ma hoping to pick up one more day on my off weeks. I cannot go in during chemo week because my immunity could be low and I have the 5-FU pump on; which would get in the way a lot.

Round 11 has not been bad at all. (Thank you Jesus). Dr. Tran is still very pleased with how I am doing. Especially how well I am able to keep pain controlled with a few pain meds and heat. Mainly heat!! No tummy trouble so far. The steroids make me hungry though! So, I am off to get some food in my belly!

Where Do We Go From Here? (5/22/16) ~ Emotions and Feelings (5/27/16)

Where Do We Go From Here?

 I am hoping to have a better understanding of this very question. It is a difficult question to have in your mind.  I see Dr. Tran Wednesday afternoon and am eager to speak to him about treatment options.

I will not give up this fight. I have too many people fighting for me that are doing so because they love and care about me! I realize I cannot write worth a flip at night. But one day, all this mumbo jumbo will make some kind of sense!

OK! Let's try last nights entry again with clearer thoughts and better handwriting!

Where do we go from here?

Since finding out surgery was not the best option for me, this question has been on my mind. I know we will continue chemo. What kind? Are there any clinical trials i can do. All of these questions will be answered when I see Dr. Tran Wednesday afternoon. My hope is he will have good things to say in light of not having surgery. I also hope that after talking with him the acceptance will come easier. For now, I am just ready to start treatment again.

Round 17: More Good News, & Disconnect Day 9.9.16 ~ Off Week

Wednesday's appointment went well. Dr. Tran looked over my last scan again and said the liver tumor was so small, there would likely not be a need for any additional (targeted therapy).

According to the American Cancer Society, Targeted therapy is a newer type of cancer treatment that uses drugs or other substances to more precisely identify and attack cancer cells, usually while doing little damage to normal cells. Targeted therapy is a growing part of many cancer treatment regimens.

I, of course, thought this news was awesome. I just keep seeing how amazing God is through all this.

This week has been good. Nana sat with me at treatment. We enjoyed talking and coloring, and lunch from Jersey Mike's. It has been years since I have ate there - it is still as good as I remember it being back in my MTSU days!

Thursday was also a good day. I did have some pain & discomfort, but it was tolerable. I had sweet company for the afternoon. Mrs. Carolyn Devaney stopped by. She is a very sweet lady. I look forward to visiting with her again soon.

Since going back on a full-time medicine regimen I had to have the dosage lowered because I have been having a hard time staying awake during the day! Hopefully, this change helps! eta: So far it hasn't!!

Today, Friday has been a really good day with mom. We went and had my pump disconnected, and I had to get more Magic Mouthwash, and I will definitely be using it when the inside of my mouth feels chapped. Afterward, I treated us to lunch! We have just had a lot of fun together this week, with the help of Snap Chat. :) Hoping for minimal side effects, although it's looking like some naps may be in there somewhere.

My off week has been pretty good. It's been rather quiet, and I have been somewhat fatigued. The main focus of this week has been keeping pain under control. Somedays that is easy, some it is not. I am still trying to figure out if this medicine regimen is really working or not. I am having a hard time telling...

Thursday, I was able to enjoy dinner with my cousin Michael and his family at Yamato. I love Japanese, and will eat it any chance I get. His little boy, Sawyer is growing and cute as ever! I told them I really appreciated them making time for me, and next time our dinner was my treat!

Friday, was just a quiet day at home. I spent a lot of time going through my social media, and then colored for quite some time. It was a bad day for pain.. hard to control. :/

I have to say, despite trying to control pain today has been a good day. Mom, Dad, and I enjoyed an early dinner at Huddle House. The best part of my meal was the Dr. Pepper float. I was going to come home and nap, but as you can see that has not happened yet, I decided to write!!

Off Chemo(5/9/16) ~ Meeting with Dr. Lorenzo (5/12/16)

Off Chemo

I am glad to say I have enjoyed being off treatment. I was able to thoroughly enjoy a family camping trip in the mountains. We had a lot of good fellowship. It was much needed for everyone. I honestly can't wait to do it again. We were able to spend time with some extended family on the trip as well. Dad's brother Mickey, Aunt Wilma and their grands went too. It was awesome to hang out with everyone. We of course did a little shopping while we were there. Then, on our last day; sis, Colton, and I stayed behind and we went to Gatlinburg and spent the day. We went through the Hollywood wax museum, a car museum, and ate lunch at Dick's Last Resort. It was all a lot of fun! Like I said, I can't wait to do it again. I love the mountains!

Even though I am off chemo in preparation for surgery I still have moments. I got upset and cried the other night. I had not done that in a long time. I just got overwhelmed thinking about all I have to deal with day in and day out. Medicines, counts, etc. But I have to remember God is in control, not me and there will be victory in this fight.

Round 8: Reaction (4/2/16) ~ Round 9 (4/17/16)

Round 8: Reaction

This round of chemo took an unexpected turn. I had a reaction to some of the chemo. I got very hot, my BP went up, and I felt like I could pass out at any moment. It was very scary!

The doctor quickly took me off the meds that caused the reaction and said he will change it. I was given a steroid and began to feel better shortly thereafter! In the meantime I have just enjoyed time off while waiting for the CT at the end of this week. I did experience a little nausea this cycle but it was tolerable.

I have noticed less anxiety this go round as well, even knowing I have a scan. I have kept as busy as I could and kept positive people and thoughts around! I am impressed daily with the way I feel and the mobility I have regained.

God is working in my life. I have no doubt. I know He has His hand on those scan results already and they are going to be just fine. IN JESUS NAME!!

No Title (3/13/16) ~ Round 7: Chemo Day (3/16/16)

No Title

This has just continued to be a great week. The sunshine has really improved my mood this week and I have enjoyed a lot this week. Tomorrow is Round 7. I am looking forward to having a couple friends visit and have lunch. And praying for no side effects!

Round #6 - Great Week (3/4/16) ~ Off Week - Fun, Sun, and Blessings (3/13/16)

Round #6 Great Week

This week was round 6, only two more to go before the next scan. My week started out with seeing Foreigner in concert at the Tivoli with Erin. We ha an awesome time. We even got moved to the front row so I could see the show, and I got the set list at the end of the show!!

I also received good news from Dr. Tran this week. My tumor markers are normal. This is an indication that the chemo is still working. I am so glad it has been a great week!

Round 16, Birchwood Girls, Church - Pictures Included!

Wednesday was fantastic for the most part. I had some pain, but I fought through it. I got up early enough to put make up on, which was fun, and made me feel good. I figured I may as well put my free samples to use instead of just letting them sit in my make up bag. The eyeliner I got in my Ipsy bag this month rocks! I always look forward to getting my make up bag each month, now to start making a point to get use out of it.

Jessica, (My Birchwood Girl) came to visit Mom and me at treatment this week. We went out for lunch after, and then had a short, nice visit at her house before having to head out for church. She has a beautiful home. It is very quiet and peaceful with a lot of natural light coming in. I love it and could spend hours sitting by the huge windows in the kitchen reading.

Mom mentioned something about wanting my tablet at treatment and I told her she could have it, and I would get an iPad since it would connect with my phone and also since Apple seems to connect to WiFi at treatment a lot better than my Surface. Needless to say, Jess remembered her son had an iPad he no longer used and he kindly gave it to me. I went shopping on Amazon today and bought a case with a keyboard for it. I am looking forward to learning how to use it - cause I've never had an iPad!

This handsome boy right here is Jess' baby named Barnabas. He is a beautiful Maine Coon cat. I am not generally a cat person, but this big guy kinda stole my heart. He is just a big ole baby! He has a very sweet and playful nature about him. So, now I am his "Aunt Crystal". :)

To go back to treatment, it went great today; the new port has made a huge difference. It doesn't feel weighted and heavy upon access like the other one. I really cannot even tell I have this one in. Just knowing that made the day a whole lot better!

However, I do have to change my medicine regiment which I was not happy about, but will do what I have to to remain pain-free at this point even if I don't like it.

Ya know, that's just life sometimes, we fight through pain to have a good day and suck it up, and do things we do not like to remain comfortable and/or pain free to keep our lives worth living!

I was also able to attend the first night of Kids Konnection - a program my church is doing in place of Awana this year. I have to say it is really neat. I enjoy watching the kids get exciting about singing and serving our Lord. I get to be with the toddlers. I must say, it is lots of fun. They are little busy bodies and they love to push my wheelchair around. I am blessed to be able to sit in this class even though we do not really teach them anything. I am teaching them how to accept someone who is "different" at a very young age. I love having this opportunity, and they are a joy to be around. I love the sound of their laughter as they run around giggling, and the warmth of their smile and hugs.

Hugs and Love,
Crystal

P.S.: I just realized I never sign my posts.. shame!

Off Week 2: Indifferent (1/16/16) Chemo Week/Off Week #3 (1/28/16)

Today was a good day, pain free. But I also felt off or indifferent. It was a tough day mentally, but I was able to distract myself with coloring. It helps me a lot. I don't think about anything except the picture I am coloring.

Emily hung out with me today while Mom & Dad got out of the house for a while.

I do not really share with sis when I am feeling a little off. I would just rather write and get everything out that way. I am hoping next week is better mentally & emotionally. I would like to get through the lonely spell. It is lasting longer than I am use to!!

Today's verse is really appropriate/ I am really glad I am learning to trust Him through all things in my life!

This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. I John 5:14 NIV

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This round of chemo went very well other than having trouble getting a blood return. I felt good afterward and was not grouchy. I was looking forward to a great week ahead. I came home and napped. When I woke up I had pain in my neck and shoulder. I thought I had just pulled a muscle. The pain started getting worse so by the advice of Cassie, i called the doctor. They told me to go in and have my port checked. Get to the ER at 11:30 PM Saturday night. Jade was there and stayed til I was diagnosed. (She's awesome)!!

Turns out I had 2 small blood clots, one in each lung. So I was admitted for 4 1/2 days. During this stay I had to have a procedure done to clean my port. It should have taken 10 minutes and took an hour due to complications.

For now, I am happy to say that my port is giving a blood return which keeps me from having to be stuck. I am praying it continues working. I was able to come home yesterday. But, I was very anxious and cried a lot.

Today has been a lot better. I was a little anxous this morning but it got better. I told mom I was going to check out Christian Mingle today. So we will see how that goes!

Off Week 2 Sister Time (1/14/16) ~ Off Week 2: Awesome News (1/15/16)

Another great day in the books ya'll! I enjoyed lunch at Stevi B's today with sis. Afterward, we shopped at Target. Then, we went to sis' and hung out for the evening. I really enjoyed spending time there. It had been quite a while.

Today's verse is very fitting! I did pray and have prayers answered today! GLORY! I am looking forward to the weekend even though I do not have plans.

I pray to You, God, because You will help me. Listen and answer my prayer! Ps. 17:6 CEV

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Today turned out to be a really good day despite the gloomy weather. I helped Mom go through her crafting supplies and get all that organized. In the midst of that I received an unexpected phone call from my regular doctor. She asks how I am doing and I'm thinking she is just checking in to stay up-to-date; then she says, "Have you heard the news?" No... *wondering what it could be*... "Your new wheelchair has been APPROVED!! I couldn't contain my emotions. I began to cry with her on the phone!! I wasn't expecting my last appeal to go through. I was thinking we were still gonna have to keep fighting with insurance, but PRAISE THE LORD, they had a change of heart.

Expected arrival: February 2016

One Week Post - Op

Yesterday was one week since new port placement. The pain is a lot better. The tendonitis is also a lot better since getting steroids! I hope I do not have to deal with this again - it made me weak and has been quite painful.

Photo Courtesy of expedia

I received mail yesterday. A card from everyone at Ocoee Eye Center with tickets for my family and me to go to Biltmore Estates. I was soooooo happy - this is one of the items on my bucket list.

Photo Courtesy of Disney

I also had a coffee date with my sis Heather. We tried watching Zootopia but it started skipping really bad. So, we just visited and watched some Netflix.

I will be glad when my incisions heal up and I can be more mobile again. Not looking forward to having my port accessed next week, but maybe it will not be too complicated or painful.

Off Week #2 - Great Start (1/10/16) & Happy Days (1/12/16)

This week is off to a great start! Thank you Lord! Still no pain!! I was able to spend the biggest part of the day in my wheelchair which was a plus! Erin spent the afternoon here and then she and T came over with dinner and watched some of the Golden Globes!

I am just so very thankful for the friends I have, as well as my outlook on this journey!

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The past two days have been very good days, with the exception of a couple low points.Yesterday I  spent the biggest part of the day in bed cause it was cold! Tammy came by for a visit, always nice to see her! After she left, I finally got out of bed, but then had to deal with tingling hands - gloves on in the house!

Then at bedtime, I got upset cause we were all just a little frustrated, but hugs and love you's made it all better.

Today, I was able to enjoy the afternoon out. Mom and I ran an errand, then met Emily & Kaylee for a late lunch at O' Charley's... it was good and we all enjoyed!

I spent 3 hours coloring this evening which I always find relaxing! Today's verse is a sweet reminder just to keep trusting in Him to carry me through this journey! That's you God! :)

"He answered their prayers because they trusted in Him." 1 Chronicles 5:29 NIV

New Port Placement

Well, I ended up making a trip to the emergency room Friday evening. Not the way I wanted to spend my Mom's birthday, but in this family we do what we have to no matter the day. I had trouble with my port again this week. It would not give a return and also hurt when being flushed. Dr. Tran and the nurses suggested I get it took out that day (8/12), but Dr. Lorenzo was busy. The pain did not get any better throughout the day and I knew I would not be able to tough it out and wait for my original appointment on the 22nd. So, we arrived at Erlanger at about 9 p.m. I had a 2 hour wait in the lobby.. and several more hours after getting in an ER room to get pain medicine. I was to the point I was about to get mad at someone. They kept wanted to go round and round about why  I was there and I explained and kept asking for pain meds. Finally, I was give some Dilaudid and they made the decision to admit me and change out the port on Saturday.

I get into a room at around 3 I guess. Get some decent sleep and stay on top of pain meds and Ativan and sleep through the day until time for surgery at 2:00p.m. I make positively sure that I will be sedated for the procedure(s). The surgeons are very nice. Dr. Lorenzo's partner was on call this weekend so he did everything. I really wanted Dr. Lorenzo to do it, but I was to a point I had to do something. I knew I was not going to make it to my appointment date.

Now to get use to all this again and hope this port works better than the other one. I am very hopeful that it will give good returns and not cause so much discomfort.

My only other issue is my right shoulder, even after having the port taken out my shoulder pain did not subside. We are thinking it is something more along the lines of Bursitis or something now and what sucks about that is I cannot take Iboprofren or Aleve. The only relief I seem to get is rubbing it, ice/heat. So, if you don't mind please pray that this subsides soon because it greatly interferes with daily life.

The Day Before - Ehh, Blah, Meh (1/4/16) ~ Round 2 - After (1/9/16)

I do not feel bad today, but I do not feel good either. The title sums up my mood. I am just blue. I know a lot of people love and care about me - I know; but there is still a space I long to fill. The space for love. It has been empty for over 2 1/2 years now... I wish today could be spent with someone cuddled up under my new electric blanket. Quiet and warm!
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This time has been a little bit better. I am still very restless, but that should be passing in a day or so. It makes it tough to rest.

I have been able to eat better this time around. Maybe tomorrow I will feel even more like myself.

I have made the best out of today I do believe! I was able to eat some cereal and enjoyed a game of Scattergories with Mom and Dad! :)

Scan #3 and a Wonderful Weekend

Last Wednesday I had my third CT Scan. I am glad to say it went well, aside from severe shoulder pain that nearly had me in tears.

[I've had shoulder pain for the last several weeks. It got so bad a few weekends ago that I ended up making a trip to the ER to get the pain under control because the medicine I have would not touch it. However, after the scan I prayed that the pain would begin to become tolerable and/or subside and I am glad to say that prayer has been answered].

The doctor kindly called me Thursday with a brief report. Everything is fantastic in regards to my cancer. The lymph node is still stable, and the liver tumor is now 1/2 cm!! Praise the Lord! I also asked that my shoulder be included in this scan, so that maybe we could figure out what was going on with it. It turns out, my jugular vein on the right side is narrowing and there appear to be clots in the catheter. This is why it has been so difficult to get a blood return. We did not get one today, so I had to be pricked in the finger and stuck in the arm.

The plan for the port issue is to remove and replace in on the 22nd. I am a little nervous about this of course, but I know the Lord will carry me through!

Also, last weekend I was suppose to go out of town with friends and see Beth Moore speak in Nashville. She runs Living Proof Ministries. I was really looking forward to this. I have done one of her Bible Studies and it was amazing.. well, what I got to participate in before I got sick! We were also going to explore some of Nashville - it's on my bucket list. I was unable to go because of the previously mentioned shoulder pain and severe constipation.

I was feeling very good Saturday. My shoulder was very tolerable and I had a happy colon. So, Mom and Dad surprised me with a day trip to NC. We went to the new casino, which I found to be a great stress reliever and just a great way to relax. Afterward, we went to Field of the Wood. It was a very calm and peaceful experience.

Chemo Round 1 - Unexpected Things (12/29/15) ~ Post Chemo - Better Days (12/30/15)

Unexpected things is right! Up until this point I had continued to feel normal. When chemo does hit you it's like you are in a body that is not even yours. You can't edo anything to make things normal. No matter what you try, you just don't feel well.

Also, in my experience it was right before Christmas. (12/22-12/24) So the holiday was a challenge all the way around. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. I enjoyed all the company I had, but it was exhausting at the same time. It was mentally and emotionally draining because my mind and thoughts were going in all different directions. But, I made the best of it as best I was able to and loved all the gifts I received!
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Yesterdays attempt to journal still was not a good one to me. Thoughts were very jumbled still, but I did have a very good day. Very glad that I have been able to enjoy the visitors I've had for the las couple days. Those first few days are just rough, but now I know kind of what to expect and how to get through them. At least next round there is not a big holiday!

I have definitely found and appreciation for the good days no matter how much or little they involve!

The Beginning - Port Placement (12/17/15) ~ Not Me - Anxiety/Bad Nerves (12/1/15)

Today really marks the start of my battle against cancer. This afternoon I had the surgery to place my port for chemotherapy. The operation id not take long and I was very comfortable with my medical team.

I am definitely sore; hoping to have that gone by Monday! Having the port will take some getting use to, but I'll do it!

Today's verse is very fitting. (There are Bible verses at the end of each page in my journal). He will/does rescue us! I feel like He is already rescuing me. I know His hand is upon me through this entire journey. He has been preparing me for a while!

What makes everything so peaceful and reassuring is knowing that He loved me enough to prepare me for this journey and I am ready!

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Over the last couple weeks I have noticed (as have others) that I have been a bit more on edge, and more outspoken than normal. I am sure it is a combination of meds and pain. Things that normally wouldn't bother me seem to drive me up the wall; which bothers me even more. I speak before thinking. . . . more than before. However, I can control my nerves, sometimes I have to remind myself it is not just me dealing with this, and that some of the things that bother me, I need to learn to overlook because it is not a big deal. (i.e. a rattling chip bag).