Tomorrow: The Beginning of An Unexpected Chapter

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, the day after today, that is what tomorrow is, right?

Yes, but it is not just tomorrow for me, my family, my best friends. It is the beginning of a new chapter in all of our lives. This chapter is going to be full of many many ups and downs. Let's just be blunt. It IS going to be a chaotic roller coaster in every way possible. There is no way around that, but we will make it like we always do! Nothing is going to stop us. Ok, so what I am rambling about?

Here you go. I was admitted into the hospital on November 18 due to severe nausea, and other things related to that. I was given a couple bags of fluid and medicines to help with nausea etc. while in the ER. Also, while there they did a CT Scan of my abdomen and ran tests on a stool sample. The sample came back positive for C. Diff, which is an infection of the intestines. (Bad bacteria takes over in your GI tract). The CT Scan did not show any obstructions in the bowel. However, the doctor told us they did find a mass and a spot on my liver. I think we all just kinda sat there at that point. I don't know how my parents felt mentally or emotionally then. I began to prepare myself for the news that would follow a couple days later, I just had a gut feeling and knew.

I get to my room Wednesday morning around 9:00 a.m. or so. I am starving by this time because I have not had anything to eat or drink for quite sometime. Of course, I am on a clear liquid diet. [CLD]. That evening I have to drink the lovely drink that preps you for a colonoscopy. *I have a trick for drinking this, flavor it with water flavoring drops, except for red.* Thursday morning I have an ultrasound done of my liver, and then that evening around 5:00 I have the colonoscopy done. The results come back, and the mass that was found on the CT Scan is in my colon/rectum. We have to wait a while for pathology reports to come back but the surgeon was positive the mass was malignant (cancerous) To make an already long story short: most of the pain that I have been having for the last several months that was thought to be many other things, turned out to be colon cancer.

Yes, I said/thought/typed the word that no one likes to hear. Does it bother me? Not at all. Remember, I had a gut feeling after the results of the CT Scan came back showing a mass. So, I've had time to process the fact that I have cancer. Now, we treat it. Tomorrow is the first step. My first appointment with my oncologist, and Friday I will see my colorectal surgeon. Am I afraid of this new chapter that is being written in my life? No. I have always had a hunch that I would experience something like this in my lifetime. I know, it is odd to think that way, but I do so that if something does take place it is not such a shock for me. I am glad I am able to do that.

So, now we put on our armor and we fight this battle headstrong! 

For anyonne who may read this I would like to ask, if you have scripture or a quote that encourages you, please share it with me here or on Facebook. You may also email them to me at: prettigirlsmiles@gmail.com I am writing each of them down in a journal that I will take with me to treatment so I will always be encouraged by friends and family while they cannot be with me.

We can all rest in knowing that God allowed this to happen for a reason and He will be GLORIFIED in the end!!

I am not asking for much from anyone. Just be encouraging, not just to me, but each other as well.

Hugs & Love

God Has a Better Plan

Where do you see yourself in five to ten years?

Do you remember being asked that question all through out school? I do. I cannot tell you what my answers where, but I can tell you that whatever was written on those papers is not how my life panned out.

If my life had happened as I wanted it to; I would be married, have children, a job, and a house at this time in my life. Most people my age that I know have those things. Sometimes, it is as if their life unfolds before you as a fairy tale. That is when I remind myself that I do not see what goes on in their lives behind closed doors. I only see what is on Facebook or what they talk to me about.

The last 6 to 8 months have been very trying for me. I have been back and forth to doctors a lot trying to figure out how best to maintain my mobility and gain a little more independence. There have been many a curve ball thrown in my direction while trying to figure all this out, which makes me frustrated. I wish parts of it could just be simple; like getting a new wheelchair, that should not be so hard to do but it is something that I do not have direct control over. I just have to wait.

I am learning quickly that God takes what we think is just horrible in our lives to use it for His good. I spend more time in my Bible than I ever have. I am developing relationships with Christian people, and becoming active within my church.

Something good will also come from the pain I am dealing with. Someone somewhere will be touched by my determination. Someone will have hope again because they heard that I did not give up. Let me just say, that it has not been easy to keep smiling through this pain I have been dealing with. I have certainly had to lean on friends and family to make it through this rough spot.

In the mean time, I am gently reminded, God has a better plan, and His plan will not fail me!

The same for you, if you are struggling and do not know which way to go it is the perfect time to just open up to Him and let it out! :)

"For I know the plans I have for you", says The Lord. 

Home...

Home (noun): the place where one lives.

I was thinking about this simple word today quite heavily as I was getting ready to go to physical therapy. I thought to myself, home has many definitions and that definition is different for everyone. Come to think of it my definition of home has changed in the last 7 months.

It is not that little box with a triangle for a roof and the door and windows we draw on paper as kids. It is not even my physical address or the brick and mortar that keeps me safe at night. Are you thinking I am crazy yet?

Home for me at this point in my life is my community and my church. Home truly is the small town U.S.A. I grew up in. I always said after I left that I would not live here again. A lot can change in 12 years. Moving back in with my parents has been one of the best decisions of my adult life and I am not afraid to admit it. I have been a lot happier and found that contrary to my thinking I have more of a social life here within the community than I did when I lived in my own home, and the two are very different.

I have found a church that feels like home as well and that is something that is very important to me. I attend a discipleship class, Bible study and help with other activities when needed. I am growing spiritually and learning so much about His Word, reconnecting with people I've known all my life, as well as making new friends.

I recently started attending Zumba classes at our community center and will be attending a Bible study there as well beginning next week.

Next on my list is to attend a show at our little Opry we have and find my picture on the wall. :)

When I left this place I had no intentions of living here again, ever. I guess God's plan was different and obviously better than mine. He knew where I needed to be.

I am glad Birchwood is home.

What does it mean to you?

Zumba & Birchwood Community Center

This past Monday was my first ever Zumba class with the beautiful Mrs. Sharon Wright as instructor. She and her hubby Jason are working really hard to be able to keep the old elementary school building in our community up and running as a community center. Zumba is one of the ways they're able to do this.

I have wanted to try Zumba for a while and just haven't. I thought, I'm going to look like a dork out there only moving my arms; or it isn't going to do anything for me because I can only move my arms. Not the case. Not the case at all. I absolutely loved Zumba. I kept my focus on Shannon as best I could to follow moves. I quickly realized I did not look like a dork, that we were all there to have a good time and enjoy ourselves which is just what we did!

I am thankful for this opportunity to keep working my upper body in a fun and upbeat environment. PT will end next week, sadly, but with Zumba and keeping motivated to workout at home. I won't lose what I have gained in upperbody strength. I will only gain more! :)

I can't wait for next Monday! Happy Zumbaing to you!!

I Don't Want To....

Everyone has those days where they just don't want to. I have been having some recently and I am definitely not a fan. I like to keep busy doing something all the time.

However, recently sometimes all I want to do is sleep because then I don't hurt, and I don't have to worry about other things. Before you jump to conclusions while reading this, No. I am not depressed. I have just been dealing with a lot of medical things lately and it has become a bit exhausting. I have a new pain that could be or could not be related to therapy, all I know is it is annoying. Sometimes I can deal with it others, I just want to sleep.

Speaking of therapy, sometimes I do not want to go there either even as much as I enjoy it. Sometimes I just don't. Period. I go anyway because I have to and that's what it feels like -cause I have to-. I always get this way toward the end of my sessions because I know the road we are heading down. We have just made significant progress, but according to insurance it is not enough to warrant more visits to PT.

I also do not like going when it turns colder. Cold weather is h*ll on a person with spastic CP. Excuse the colorful language but that is just the truth, ok? It is a lot harder to move because muscles are tighter and bones ache as though we have arthritis. I would much rather spend the winter in hoodies and fuzzy PJ bottoms under my flannel sheets than to get out and do much of anything in the winter.

There is this thing called life, and we must live it. Despite the challenges we must persevere, even on our "Don't Want To" days...

Ink.

Yes, that is a tattoo you see. My very first one. I am now inked. I have wanted some ink for a very long time, but would not get up the courage to get one because I did not know what I wanted, and I was afraid it was going to hurt really bad.

Well, as it turns out it did not hurt as bad as what I thought it was going to. I thought they dug the needle into your skin, LOL. You can tell I am new to the tattoo world huh?

I chose this as my tattoo because I wanted I constant reminder of the journey I have been on and where my hope is. My hope is anchored in the love that Christ has for me. My hope is getting to know Him more and more everyday.

I had it put on my wrist so I could see it. So others could see it. You never know, that little tattoo may lead to a conversation and ultimately leads someone to Christ.

Rock The Smokies

This year I was able to attend the first annual Rock the Smokies event at Dollywood on September 5. This event features four Christian bands. Some of them play throughout the park at different times, and the well known are set up in the Celebrity Theatre. This was my first time attending a Christian concert series of any kind. Let me tell you, I had an amazing time!

The first band we saw was Love and The Outcome. This group is a husband and wife duo from Canada. They just recently moved to the area. They really have love for the Lord and I am excited to see what He has in store for them!!

The next show was The Sidewalk Prophets. We were able to get front row seats to the show, which was awesome in my book! :)  I only knew one of the songs they sang, but they put on an amazing show. Their music is wonderful. I grew to absolutely love them during this concert. They sing some very uplifting songs! I would sure like to see them again.

The last show was of course, what we had all been waiting for. For King & Country, and Third Day! It was so amazing getting to worship with them. Everyone's mind was on the same thing, God and glorifying Him! FC&C really puts on a killer show. They engaged with the crowd. They had us sing Amazing Grace, and I forgot to record it... :( Then, they came out into the crowd. The guitar player shook my hand and the lead singer, jumped up on the chair in front of me and sang, then hugged me when he got down; before going back up to the stage. I really like this band, not just because they hugged me... they really have an awesome story to tell about their relationship with Christ. 

Third Day, what can I say? They were awesome!!! It was hard for me to see the show well because I couldn't see over the people in front of me, but I made the best of it and it was still great! I would love to see them again as well. 

Needless to say, I have a new love for Christian Rock! <3